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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP, Porn, general lack of respect for anyone. Fed up.

32 replies

AvaAdorable · 16/08/2013 16:39

In the early throws of our relationship I caught DP using sex meet up sites and flirting/sexting etc with other women. Along with this I found out that he was using porn sites. I had it all out with him and to cut a long story short he promised to stop with both.
We continued our relationship. Although the meet up sites stopped, I noticed he'd continued to use porn sites (more computer savvy than I make out) and he'd just got better at hiding them. The worst bit about this was that we didn't live together at the time and on a weekend he went back to his house to have his kids overnight. He always told me he couldn't text much on a weekend as his whole attention was on his kids - then I find out he basically used to get home, the kids would go off and entertain themselves and then he'd be on porn sites in another room for hours. How disrespecful is that not only to me but also to his kids!!

I had it out with him again. He said all men use porn sites and he didn't get why I was so upset as he'd stopped with the meet up sites (nice of him Hmm and porn wasn't that bad. Maybe it isn't the devil's work but don't tell me you have no time to keep in touch and make yourself out to be a model father when in reality you're getting off to hardcore porn whilst your kids watch family guy in the living room!

So he promised he'd stop. He did - for a while or maybe he just got better at hiding it. We moved in together so he no longer had his porn weekends free Hmm but before long I found porn in his phone history. I didn't mention it as it was rare, very occasional and not as extreme as last time so I left it.

Now I'm pissed off. He has the week off work and yesterday was due to ggo on a mini break with his kids (alright for some! Hmm) so thursday he's apparantly busy organising everything. Meanwhile I'm working my balls off on a 13 hour shift. I get home at 8pm and they'd already set off so I wouldn't see him again until Monday night when I finish work. I instinctively looked on the pc history when I got in. History nice and clean but working around that = tons of porn. All from thrusday morning when I was at work, tired, stressed out, texting him from the bathroom telling him to have a nice time on his break - he was getting off to other women. What makes it worse is that he was looking after his two and my two kids at the time and supposedly sorting stuff for their trip.

What makes it doubly worse is the night before we'd gone to bed, I was hoping for a bit of intimacy (or even just a cuddle) as it would be our last night together for a week and he just brought his ipad up and sat on that for ages whilst I'm trying to get his attention. We ended up having a few crossed words in which I told him he could have made an effort on our last night and he said I was speaking shit and he always makes the effort.

Am I being unreasonable to be pissed off at him gawping at porn whilst I'm working? I feel I'm already being more than tolerant whilst he goes off on a jolly leaving me behind to work and carry on with the same old shit.

OP posts:
DinoSnores · 16/08/2013 17:51

"Here's a fact... ANY man who uses the internet watches porn."

Nonsense.

SirRaymondClench · 16/08/2013 18:00

So if the bride had been raped the day after her wedding, in the opinion of your 'D'P, it wouldn't have been so bad? He was upset what was awful was that she was raped on her special day - and not the fact that she was raped??
Get rid of this utter (and literal) wanker!!
He is so damaged by his porn addiction his views on women are skewed!

BeCool · 16/08/2013 21:11

He's being the man he's always been though.

Why do you expect him to change for the better? His behaviour has been consistently dreadful and is deteriorating if anything.

Why on earth do you want to marry him? He shows you who he is. Believe him.

ageofgrandillusion · 16/08/2013 21:45

Reading this thread has confirmed to me that some people would quite happily walk down the aisle with fred fucking west if it meant not being single. Jesus fucking wept.

Squitten · 16/08/2013 22:18

Do you REALLY think he's going to change OP? He's been caught out repeatedly and you put up wth it. What possible reason does he have to change anything about his habits when you are showing him, over and over again, that you will tolerate it.

You have a very stark and obvious choice: repeat the same tedium of making him promise to stop and then watch while he does it AGAIN or find some dignity, dump his behind and get rid of this crap from your life!

ageofgrandillusion · 16/08/2013 22:23

And the using porn with kids around is child abuse IMO. If i knew who he was i'd shop the bastard.

Doozle06 · 16/08/2013 22:34

Using porn is not an issue, IMO.
However, obsession with it, using it instead of actual intimacy, and using it around kids -all not normal at all, I'd want out of that relationship.

He was like this when you got together with him, though, so I guess you can't really be surprised. He won't stop - he doesn't seem to think it's a problem.

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