Trying to keep it short as I can, my DN is my brothers daughter from his first relationship, I love her dearly. She has had a very difficult life, her relationship with her mother is difficult (her mother always had money to spend in the pub but not to put food on her table, has kicked her out numerous times, when she was small she couldn't be bothered getting out of bed to take her to school and so it wasnt until she got in trouble with the LA for doing this she started taking her). Now, I know my brother is not blameless in any of this, but I am not sure he is relevant to this argument.
As I have said I love my DN dearly and so when she was growing up I took her on days out/holidays spent time with her doing nice things so she can look back at a happy childhood, I helped her with her homework have always been on the end of the phone and have dropped everything to be there when she has needed/wanted me (including flying over 2,000 miles to be there for her birthday party when she was little) . I have never ever let on to my DN how I feel about her mum and have always played along at happy families to protect her. Anyhow, about 3-4 weeks ago I was texting my SIL (my DB wife) and the subject got onto my DN mum as she had apparently said something about me being a bad mother, I dont know what took over but I launched into a ?thats a bit rich coming from her? rant and got really upset (DN mum has caused my family a hell of a lot of pain in the past) and sil and I talked through this. Now, earlier today my niece calls me and calls me a ?fucking liar? and a ?bitch? says that she knows what I have been saying about her mum and its all fucking lies and I need to get a life. She says she found out a couple of weeks ago and has been fuming at me since, but hasnt been able to find the right words to say it (though she stopped being angry at me long enough to randomly call and ask for my advice about holidays....). I am apparently now as good as dead to her and she never wants to see me again. I explained that I feel the way I feel for very valid reasons and she just told me they are all ?fucking lies, I know because my mom told me?, and that my relationship with her is independent of how I feel about her mother and that will never change, I have loved, supported and encouraged her her entire life and that will never change, but then it was ?I don?t care? I never want to see you again?. ?phone down.
Strangely SIL was agreeing with what I was saying but she is still speaking to SIL, (the cynical part of me thinks that she has more to lose from falling out with SIL ? no more holidays/money/gifts etc).
It is true I do love my niece, and maybe I shouldn?t have vented that way, but its not like I lied or made anything up and its not like she should even have been snooping, but it really hurts so bad, this is it, after everything I have done and everything we have been through, it ends over this. Maybe her mum is right and I am a shit parent.