Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

MIL - opinions please

19 replies

Clarabell78 · 14/08/2013 20:41

I had a baby 6 weeks ago and my mother in law has just arrived today for a stay to see the baby and lend me a hand. We hadn't discussed how long she would stay before hand but she's just announced that she wants to stay until a week on Monday and FIL is going to come and stay both weekends also! We are in a 3 bed flat so there is room but I very much like my own space and the thought of her being here for this length of time and me having to be with her every day is stressing me out!

I know I sound ridiculously ungrateful but I couldn't spend that amount of time with my own mother let alone my MIL. She is a lovely woman but very very chatty (not like me) and literally does not stop talking. Ever. I picked her up at 12 and already I'm feeling demented. I already have various things planned for next week, going out with friends etc which I will feel bad going out to and leaving her behind. Also, my partner is a doctor who works long hours so our time together when (and if) baby goes down is really precious and not ideal if MIL (and FIL at weekends) are sat with us.

My question is, how do I broach the subject of her leaving earlier without hurting her feelings or seeming ungrateful.

I have struggled the past few weeks feeling low and overwhelmed but I feel like I've finally turned a corner. Mother in law having announced this has just made me feel so stressed. I am def sleep deprived and certainly hormonal so no doubt over reacting to some extent but the thought of her being here so long just makes me want to cry!

OP posts:
BasilBabyEater · 14/08/2013 20:55

Your DH should tell her.

banterbus · 14/08/2013 20:57

This is not what you need right now with a new baby. I agree that your dh should tell her.

misskatamari · 14/08/2013 21:02

DH should talk to her. It's great that she's tying to help but very thoughtless to just decide how long she is staying for and expect it to be okay!

CailinDana · 14/08/2013 21:06

It is incredibly rude to just announce how long you're staying in someone else's house. Have your dh tell her what's what.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/08/2013 21:09

DH needs to talk to his parents and put down some proper boundaries (although these could well be ignored by them).

CaptainSweatPants · 14/08/2013 21:12

Dh needs to tell her
She can go home with fil on Sunday
Although even that is way too long IMO

spottygoat · 14/08/2013 21:21

Yes your DH needs to tell her.
You don't sound ungrateful either just tell her you have things planned everyday next week.

Original poster
Clarabell78 · 14/08/2013 21:43

Yeah am thinking she can go home with FIL on Sunday. I could cope until then as I have things for us to do each day until then! So glad it's not just me. I'd rather she came more often but for shorter visits! X

OP posts:
Original poster
Clarabell78 · 14/08/2013 21:47

I should maybe have pointed out she lives a few hours away, hence the coming to stay with us but as she is a pensioner the bus journey down is free and she also drives so its not difficult for her to get to us.

OP posts:
misskatamari · 14/08/2013 21:49

Not unreasonable at all. Maybe you could soften the blow by suggesting another visit in a month or so.

Inertia · 14/08/2013 21:54

Agree that DH should tell her, particularly as you have already made plans for next week .

TheWookiesWife · 14/08/2013 22:05

You could always say that you and DH only want a small gap between children so will be going to bed early and 'having a go' the odd lunchtime if she wouldn't mind popping out to the coffee shop at those times - she might just get the hint ! Tee hee !!

Xmasbaby11 · 14/08/2013 22:09

Agree - DH tells her, and also make sure future visits are more considerately planned.

That is far too long a stay and it is so important that you are feeling confident and keen to get out and about with the baby. Good for you, and congratulations!

NonnoMum · 14/08/2013 22:10

Or just get her doing all the ironing/cleaning/etc whilst you take a nap?

Original poster
Clarabell78 · 14/08/2013 22:14

Ha ha ha wookieswife! I may try that :-)

OP posts:
TheWookiesWife · 15/08/2013 09:14

:-)

Loobylou123 · 15/08/2013 14:49

I think you've said it beautifully yourself. You were feeling overwhelmed but have turned a corner and are enjoying bonding with your baby and establishing your own routine. I'd finish with 'such a kind offer to stay so long but it's really not necessary. Let's make the most of this week though, do you fancy doing x tomorrow'
Perfectly friendly, reasonable and changes subject pretty swiftly too!

Ledkr · 15/08/2013 15:10

Can you say you have someone else staying from Monday? Sister or something?
Of hate this too, I really would.

EldritchCleavage · 15/08/2013 15:26

Can I just say, do not slide into the habit of parents coming to stay with no definite departure date. My mother was quite bad at doing this and it really really annoyed me. I have had to be pretty firm about it, but she now gets that yes, she is very welcome but she still has to discuss with me when she and my father visit and how long for.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread