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Original poster

Partner Facebook Flirting

50 replies

Mamuss · 14/08/2013 20:29

I would love to whisk you off for a night and spend that time showing you pure affection, passion and love.

Written from partner to 'old friend'

His response 'she is depressed and he was trying to cheer her up, it was stupid and I'm sorry'

Gutted. Over-reacting?
He thinks I'm ignoring him. I'm not I just don't know what to say.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mamuss · 14/08/2013 21:03

Yes it does seem he picked person to flirt with, not just anyone. But she lives the other side of he country! They would never meet. So what is this? Some kind of ego boost for him?

OP posts:
ageofgrandillusion · 14/08/2013 21:04

Nowt wrong with old trout in my book.

Upnotdown · 14/08/2013 21:04

You don't have to leave him - but just keep your eyes open and don't let him make a twit out of you. It's your choice to be with the guy, but don't make excuses for him - he's flirting on FB. End of. He's not Mr. Perfect who doesn't know what it is to flirt or ever, ever notice other women. Don't be a sap.

ageofgrandillusion · 14/08/2013 21:05

My guess? Escapism.

Upnotdown · 14/08/2013 21:06

That's not meant to be offensive - it sounds a bit growly :)

kilmuir · 14/08/2013 21:10

Lets hope he does not start 'flirting' with someone who lives a bit closer

ilovebabytv · 14/08/2013 21:11

Mamuss, my dp acted similar and actually sounds a bit like your dp. When i discovered it i was livid and made clear to him it was bang out of order. He didn't seem to understand how bad it was as he had no intention of ever meeting person of fb and was just having a laugh. I asked him how he would feel if it was me doing it and after a hard think he came to the conclusion he was a stupid inconsiderate selfish arse. Hasnt done it since. Certainly wasn't a leaving offence.

Original poster
Mamuss · 14/08/2013 21:15

Baby tv that's how he is acting. And I'm scared of it being someone closer. He's going out on say night, the first time I'm 2.5 years and I now don't want him to. There's the trust gone. He says it wasn't for sexual reasons. Just to make her feel better about herself. He says I know him and know what he's like...it's not like he wants an affair.

OP posts:
timeforanothernewname · 14/08/2013 21:23

It's up to you where your boundaries in your relationship lie, and whether you feel a bit of flirting is ok as long as it won't be consummated.

But you say you're "gutted", which rather makes it sound as though you don't feel that's ok at all.

And in your subsequent post, he sounds like a pretty crap partner to boot. I'd LTB for that, more than for the fb flirting. But it is of course up to you what you're willing to tolerate.

ilovebabytv · 14/08/2013 21:24

Can you ask him if he then thinks it is acceptable for you to flirt with people on fb then and how he would feel if you did?

Original poster
Mamuss · 14/08/2013 21:32

I asked him that and he said he would be gutted if I did it to him.

I don't know. I just know il have a hell of a time trusting him. When info to bed early and he's downstairs il wonder what he is doing. Il want to check his phone and messages. Il turn into a jealous needy idiot, on know it Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Mamuss · 14/08/2013 21:33

Sorry for all the typos!

OP posts:
ilovebabytv · 14/08/2013 21:40

Yh it can be hard to deal with afterwards. I did go through a phase of checking his fb, not so much jealousy as nosiness. Now, hardly ever. I dont think that was unreasonable.

Original poster
Mamuss · 14/08/2013 21:44

We both know each others passwords, and always just leave our profiles logged on. I don't check his often and not sure if he looks at mine. Why wouldn't he be more careful when doing stupid things?
He's just hugged me and apologised again... Said all the right words... Etc etc. But I can't just say 'ok we will move on'
I don't want to leave. But I hate not trusting. And scared that will pull us apart... Fucker....why rock the boat?
He said he knows he doesn't always Show me enough affections and will try harder / try to change that....
I guess time will tell. If I can't get over it then it will be the end...Again Fucker!

OP posts:
coppertop · 14/08/2013 21:47

"He says it wasn't for sexual reasons. Just to make her feel better about herself."

Ah, so if another woman is feeling low, then he sees it as his role to make her feel better about herself. But if his own partner is feeling low, he just calls her "needy"?

fifi669 · 14/08/2013 21:49

OP it's not a hanging offence but I certainly wouldn't be impressed. It isnt a normal thing to say to an old friend. I wouldn't blame you checking his phone, email, Facebook etc for a while. Better safe than sorry eh? Try not to drive yourself mental though...

Original poster
Mamuss · 14/08/2013 21:52

Coppertop - Spot on Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Mamuss · 14/08/2013 21:52

Coppertop - I might send him that as a message!

OP posts:
Chubfuddler · 14/08/2013 21:52

There's a big reach between wanting to make someone feel better about themselves and suggesting that if he could he would take off for a night of passion. Big reach.

Original poster
Mamuss · 14/08/2013 21:55

I know chub Sad it's not normal. I'd never say something like that to someone. Makes me wonder what if she was closer. I really would drive myself crazy then. I will check him but I have no way of knowing if its all stopped or if he's just being more careful Sad

OP posts:
Weelady77 · 14/08/2013 22:07

Mamuss I feel for you it's a horrible feeling, my husband only added an ex and I went balastic!
I know I was being silly stupid a big green eyed monster but I can't help the way I feel even though it not like me at all, now when I think about it I say to myself "fuck it" and I feel a bit better!!

((Hugs))

MadeMan · 14/08/2013 22:28

"...(works with his top off when working...)"

In the office? I've heard of 'Dress-down Fridays', but not 'Top-off Tuesdays'.

Original poster
Mamuss · 15/08/2013 00:03

Ha no, he works outside. Certainly not an office Shock

OP posts:
BinarySolo · 15/08/2013 09:04

If he was naturally flirty then that's one thing. It does kinda sound like he's trying to be nice and got it very wrong tho. The woman's response of 'aw, thanks' even sounds like she may be a tad uncomfortable with his hamfisted attempt at comfort.

I think I'd be pretty pissed off unless that sentence you posted started with , 'if I wasn't deeply in love and committed to mamuss'.

He sounds as tho he's generally emotionally stupid/immature, which some people are. I don't think it's a leaving offence at all. I do think its an excellent opportunity to try and improve that whole area of your relationship as by the sounds of it that wasn't quite right any way.

Original poster
Mamuss · 15/08/2013 21:55

That's true solo, it's given a chance to address other issues. I suppose its a warning and if anything happened like it I'd be completely un-understanding

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