I'm in my 3rd trimester and feeling quite emotionally vulnerable at the moment, please bear with me and thanks for reading!
DP and I have been together for over 10 years and have one DD with another DC on the way. Our relationship before DD was rock-solid - of course we had our ups and downs like any other couple but we doted on each other completely and basically lived for each other - people used to comment that you couldn't tell where one of us ended and the other began. We had mostly common interests and only used to socialise as a couple as we couldn't bear the idea of being apart! Our friends used to think we were unusually close.
After having DD, our relationship shifted and changed - as all must do - into more of a co-parenting situation. However, we haven't managed to regain much of our closeness - for a long time we rarely laughed with one another, or held hands, kissed, had sex, or talked about much else apart from our DD. We had only started to regain a little of our intimacy once we were trying to conceive and I got pregnant again, but that was pretty fleeting and pregnancy niggles/work stresses have put paid to many opportunities for closeness.
We went away recently on a babymoon - our last chance for intimacy before DC2 arrives - and it was much of the same. I had hoped we'd be be able to throw off the shackles of parenthood and get back to being us again but he was more interested in reading the paper, figuring out where we were going to eat, and working out driving directions rather than talking, laughing or being close with me. At dinner each night, we talked about DD. After dinner, we went to bed. In separate twin beds. I tried to initiate sex, and was rejected - he was too tired. I tried to talk to him about how I felt, and he said that nothing has changed for him, but he's sorry that I feel this way. But since then he has done/said nothing differently towards me - his only focus is still DD. I feel she has replaced me in his affections.
I guess what I am saying is that I am jealous of the attention he gives to DD. What a terrible thing for a mother to say! He comes in after work and goes straight to kiss her and play with her. I serve up his meal and then clear up whilst they do the night time routine. Then after she has gone to bed we both watch tv until we go to our (separate) beds (I have too many pillows in bed with me for him to have enough room right now). I feel terribly lonely and ignored by him. I have lovely friends, but I can't share this with them - what kind of mother is jealous of her daughter? As a SAHM, my family is my life - and I feel pretty invisible to one half of my family. I used to have a successful career, earning my own good money, and had lots to talk about. Now I feel I'm defined by the fact I'm a mother.
My self confidence is low anyway, with weight gain, stretchmarks and saggy boobs getting worse by the day. I have seen the way that he looks at me has changed. I don't know how it will get any better in the near future, given the stresses of having a newborn.
Please tell me that this is just a phase, and that soon we will be our happy, intimate, close selves again? I really miss him.
Apologies for the long post.