Separated

[caitsmummy]

So its been 4 weeks today since my husband told me he didnt love me anymore and wants to separate.

Not sure if you remember my original post on this when it first happened so il give you a runthrough!

We have been married 4 years together for 6 with 2 children under 3. I have been diagnosed and having medication for depression for 5 months and was slowly starting to get better just before we split.

After talking about the relationship and becoming closer, hubby said hes tried and cant do it, hes realised he doesnt love me and wants to separate. He went to his sisters and has stayed there ever since. He comes now and again in the evening to put kids to bed and thats it. We are still friendly but he is quite distant from me. Hes assured me there isnt another woman and i believe him, ive give him enough chances to tell me if there was.

He came round the other day to look at finances and we agreed i would get income support and he would let me and the stay in the family home and he pay the mortgage till I can afford it myself, he also gonna give me child support.

I rejected him for years due to my depression, this is what eventually made him go, the rejection. He told me I need to get better and see a counselor.
Im on a waitling list to see a counselor now.

Hes told me he cant see a way back for us but im hoping once I get better he will change his mind.
He is strong willed though, and hes said once hes made a decision he doesnt change it...
I sent him a text today saying ive emailed some properties for him to look at, he hasnt text me back. Maybe hes shocked that im helping him move and and find somewhere. Yesterday he asked me if I had any post for him I said no, he said oh, well im waiting for something from the bank as Ive arranged my own account, he said they said it could take 10 to 15 days to come through anyway. Why ask me then, just to get a reaction??

Im not sure if hes doing this so it gave me a kick up the bum to get help for myself and once I do he come back, maybe thats just my wishful thinking, but if it is true then its messing with my feelings really.

As anyone had any experience in this?

Do you think he may come back?

I'm in a similar situation to you, my ex did the same, but 18 months ago. I've had depression since the death of our eldest son almost five years ago, i know i wasn't easy to live with, but i was doing the best i could.

In our situation there was someone else, obviously don't know if there is in your situation or not. All i can say is don't assume its a kick up the butt for you, try and sort things to do the best for you and your children.

If he wants to come back, make sure you sort the reasons for him going in the first place are sorted properly. My solicitor told me the best time to get spousal and child maintenance is in the first few months after the husband leaves when the guilt is at its highest, so maybe you could get a free session with a solicitor to find out legally where you stand.

My ex still does things to get a reaction from me, even down to sounding his horn loudly if he collects our sons and his new partner is in the car too, but i take no notice and avoid the windows when hes due, i've really no interest of what silly games he plays. Think exes carry on thinking they can have control over your feelings even a long time after they don't.

Sending hugs, wouldn't wish this on anyone.

I'm so sorry OP but it sounds like he has checked out of your relationship and he isn't coming back. He has moved out of the family home, away from his children to his sisters, it sounds like his mind is made up.

I've not read the original thread - did you have any idea that he was feeling this way and that he wanted to separate? And I hate to say it but don't expect him to admit to OW - I've read so many posts where the H denies and denies OW and then one pops out of the woodwork.

He just really doesnt seem the type to have an affair at all! He was a virgin when he met me, dont know how much of a differance that makes but....? I have given him countless times to admit it and said to him I dont mind if you have, I know its over between us, and still he says he hasnt. he hasnt got the time anyway, he works an awful lot, and I know he is at work and not elsewhere!

I knew he was unhappy but I never thought he would do this, he told me how much he loved me every single day, i told him too, I just didnt show it....i dont blame him for going cause I know now what I was like with him.

By the way, im caitsmum just with a diff name!! if anyone confused!!

Hi two

My H did the same to me and I knew there was no going back when he opened his own bank account a month after telling me he didn't love me anymore.

It sounds like your DH has emotionally left the relationship...that distant feeling you are experiencing is his detachment from you. My H finally left 5 months ago after 4 months of coldness that seriously screwed with my head.

I was devastated and so worried about my DC....but each week it gets easier and we get a little happier. Meanwhile he looks more and more miserable living with his 80 year old parents. Just like you there was no other woman involved.

I second the suggestion for counselling but not to deal with your so called "rejection" of your H due to your depression...(my H said he left because I nagged him about money: funny enough I'm now financially better off on 1 wage and he now nags bitches about being broke all the time )but rather to help you work out what you want and how you take control of your future.

I got some great advice here that got me through the first few terrible weeks. My only regret is I didn't throw him out as soon as he told me he didn't love me as recommended here!

Good luck and sending you