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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I don't know what to or what step to take next, I feel so stuck in a rut!

5 replies

Tiggs2 · 14/08/2013 13:15

Hello everyone, I posted here a couple of weeks ago about feeling that I wanted to move out of this house and away from this Town. Since then I have thought of nothing else and am starting to feel more and more stuck in a rut, and I want to just sit and cry at the moment.

My DH hasn't said much at all, as I have basically changed our future plans, when we were always planning on making changes to this house by adding extensions, and changing the gardens etc.

He has basically said its up to me and hasn't shown any enthusiasm for a new and fresh start, even though I have said I cannot make this descision by myself as its too big and important. I said to him last night that he doesn't seem that keen, but he said that he is trying to get used to the idea of a move as it was something we had never planned to do, then he just dropped the topic, I just responded by saying that I think we should at least keep our options open.

Unfortunately, if we did put this house on the market, it would involve a lot of very hard work. All three of us are hoarders and a lot has been accumulated over the 20 years, a loft full even came with us when we first made the move here! Sometimes I go from room to room and think oh god where do I start, where can I hide away some of this stuff, and I feel totally overwhelmed! Its a very sobering thought that we would have to sort the place in order for an Estate agent to take photos, and then also have possible viewers, god help me!!!

On days like today though, I just feel like running away, or dropping the lot into a huge skip, but then I would regret not keeping certain things!

My son doesn't help at all, his room is constantly a tip, and he will even drop any little bits of rubbish in the front garden on his way in, wears his work boots up the stairs and basically cannot seem to change this attitude, no matter how many rows we have over it.

My DH seems to think that to do all the extension work here, garden plans, redecoration, etc, will only cost around 25/30k tops, but I said it could well tot up to more than that, and depending upon how much we get for this house, it could well be cheaper to move to instead.
Plus at the end of the day, the new changes will not make a difference to the upstairs layout, or give us a bigger bedroom space, something I have always wanted. It will not add any real value to the property either if we were then to sell it on later.

There is a Town not too far away from here, which we have always said is lovely, and has pretty much everything we need. If we managed to sell up here then we would need to make up the amount by around 30k, as house prices there are slightly more.
The idea feels huge and very scarey, and I am trying to find positives to staying here, but its a struggle to be honest, especially if you see what I have written my previous post.
Please advise me, I just don't know what to do next. :-(

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 14/08/2013 14:29

OK try to separate out why you want to leave the house and why you want to leave the town.

Is it just that the house is full of stuff? If you were to be able to clear it, would you be happy living there?

What are the problems with the town you live in?

llittleyello · 14/08/2013 14:54

Perhaps tackle what is causing the hoarding and the overwhelm-ment first? And maybe address your son's disrespect :-(

Tiggs2 · 16/08/2013 10:35

Thanks for the replies, I still feel that I want to move, though I have pushed it to one side of my brain for now! I do think that if we finally got this house clear of junk then it would help to how I feel in myself, the feelings of overwhelment etc.
To be totally honest though I would love nothing more at the moment, than to go and see what is on offer, and in our price range, but I don't think my DH will be up for that.
The extensive work, which we were planning to do to this house wouldn't be possible until next Jan/Feb anyway so I don't think DH would even entertain the idea of "just looking" for now. I think if I am honest then I suppose I would like to see how the next chapter of our lives could be, with such a big move, having a massive clearout, and a new fresh start for all of us, even though its only about 7 miles away.
I am so mixed up that I seem to have a permanent headache.

OP posts:
Tiggs2 · 20/08/2013 09:46

We have decided that we are going to hire a big skip next month and start to have a good sort through this house. The idea scares me because there is that much stuff, that it could take months to even make a dent! It was my idea to do this so that any future move/change would be a bit easier, but I know it will be hard work and I am not the most energetic of people! I am guilty of being lazy sometimes and doing the minimal needed, and also I can make a start on something and then have strong feelings of "oh god, why did I start" just total overwhelment!
Any suggestions would be helpful please, even just to spur me on or give me a boost!

OP posts:
Fireytiger · 20/08/2013 10:22

Suggestions for help:

  1. think have I used this in the past year? If not skip it.
  2. how many of the same thing do I need? Two is plenty- skip the rest.
  3. is this out of date? If yes skip it.
  4. can I sell this (car boot/ gum tree/ eBay)? If yes - do it
  5. if it's still considered good enough - pass it on to a friend - easy and quick to do.
  6. charity shops/ bins always useful for clearing stuff immediately and large quantities
  7. finally don't get sentimental- children's old things: they're not useful, no one looks at them and they just take up space - much better to have a few valued things than boxes of stuff not looked at
  8. things you love - aim to use them: frame old children's pictures/ create space on shelves so you can enjoy your items, make sure that everyone is included in this approach

You won't sell and gain the maximum price for your house if people can't view something that is fresh, clean and liveable in. They need to project themselves into your house- clear and get rid of as much as possible to enhance that view.

Best of luck.

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