Ex has cut me out, long

[bedhead2008]

Ex and I split up last year after a short relationship (1 year). He really hurt me and for a long time I was devastated/checking phone every 5 minutes/couldn't eat etc etc. Anyway he began a relationship with somebody else pretty much immediately after our split, I definitely think there was a crossover between us.

Fast forward a few months of NC, he gets in touch and wants to meet with his young ds and mine. I really needed this because as soon as he said he'd split with his partner it was like the penny dropped and I realised he'd been dumped and wanted to come back. All the months of anguish disappeared and I immediately stopped wishing for a happy ending with him and viewed him as a lonely man looking for anyone.

However we continued to meet as friends, regularly. He was a single dad, we met a few times a week including his birthday and his son's. He'd regularly ask to get back together, I said no, but I enjoyed spending time with him and our ds'.

Then, something incredibly shocking happened, I found out (not through him) that the woman who he'd left me for was 6 months pregnant with his child. I was angry that all this time he'd been trying to get back with me - imagine if it had worked (luckily it didn't). After a couple of weeks we continued to spend time together, it seemed he was very cut up about his split with this woman and devastated that she wouldn't allow him to see the baby/he was desperately clinging on to me to avoid being alone I think.

So for about a year now we have been seeing each other as friends, spent christmas day together, he'd text regularly about wanting us to get back together but I'd explain too much had happened.

Then all of a sudden about 4 weeks ago all contact stopped. Nothing. From his fb it appears he is seeing someone. I am really hurt and feel very used that the friendship we built meant nothing. My ds misses his (they are both 5), I miss him. I'm really confused about my feelings for him now, I think I would have liked a relationship but deep down know he'd always be looking for someone 'better' so have mentally protected myself and avoided getting back together with him, but basically it was like we were together, without the sex, for a year.

Sorry this is so long, not even sure what I'm looking for here, I expect most people to say he's an arse and move on but I'm struggling. Just had another dream about him and feel like I'm going through a break up all over again/trying to avoid contacting him and playing with the idea of blocking his fb so I don't see his photo pop up regularly but then he'll know I have an issue with him.

and you are worried about him having an issue with you because.....why exactly?

Maybe you have been sending mixed signals (hence the repeated appeals to get back together) and now he has moved on.

If you still want to be friends with him, then be a friend - send him a message that you are happy that he has found someone, but confused as to why he's dropped off the radar and would he and ds like to come over for a play some time.

I was wondering that about mixed signals too Dwells. I did send him a playing 'oi' message a few weeks ago but no response, I don't think he would reply to a message

He uses you for company until something better comes along.

You will never move on until you realise this and stop giving him this power over you.

His poor kid is 5. He has been put through the wringer. You in his life as his dads girlfriend for a year with a child he has got close to. Another woman and another sibling in the last year who his dad is no longer with. Now you and your DC cut out and what appears to be ANOTHER woman in his life!

If he can do that to his poor kid what makes you think you will be treated better?

You sound vulnerable to me and he was a case of 'anyone will do'. I think you went ahead with him hiding the reality of what you were doing from yourself.... When we break up with people, there has to be an ending. Like you say you are going through it all over again...whereas if you had ended it properly it would not be here again. Why were you spending Christmas with him? That's a special day...did he warrant it?? No.

As well as cutting him off now, I'd ask myself why I put my head in the sand and is that a pattern...because I don't like the shape of the pathway before me...and if so, does the shape of the pathway actually change? No. He is still not committed to you, just as you originally thought, but you have brought it down upon your own head twice.

X

something2say what you have said has really made sense about me putting my head in the sand and now it's been pointed out I have realised this is the way I deal with problems. He was my 1st proper relationship since my ds' dad left, I was early 20's he was early 30's so I think I became a bit swept away by the concept of a family unit for ds.

Xales his poor ds did seem to be 'damaged' in a way, his mum left and when ex and I began meeting as friends he kept mistakenly calling me by the OW's name. Poor kid doesn't know he has a half sister and has never met her but was having some behavioural issues in school already. The new woman he's seeing has a ds of her own too.

Keep your child and yourself the hell away from the pair of them.

You don't need that stress in your lives.

How long did your DS know his etc if you'd been with this guy a year? I'm betting not that long, so with careful handling, you can help your DS to understand it all.

Bottom line, this guy treated you badly, and for that reason, it's best he stays away from you both as you both deserve better.

I had a years relationship with someone who had a child. We broke up, and we all met up for a pre-arranged thing some time later and OMG was I ever pleased to NOT have anything more to do with them. It was a total nightmare! I couldn't wait to leave!

Never again!

Give thanks to god that your child won't be screwed up by either your ExBf or his poor child.

My lovely strong, confident DS turned clingy, insecure and as if he was missing out, all because he had the other child rubbing the fact that my DS didn't have his Dad in his face the whole time, and engineering ever more mental and dramatic issues to come between us and my exBf.

Ultimately it was the parents that did this, they both crippled their DC for their own reasons, so it'd have been impossible to ever make any difference to that poor child.

Your responsibility is to your child, and to yourself.

To be honest, I think you liked having him there as an insurance policy. You were friends, you knew he wanted you..now he has moved on, and that safety net has gone.

Enjoy being on your own with your DS. The only person he needs is you.