If you told your H or P that you had PND...

[plumpjuicyraspberry]

How would you expect him to react ?

I told my DH that I was struggling a bit a good few weeks after I realised. As I suspected his reaction would be a bit eye roll-y. He doesn't believe in any form of mental health issues. Is of the keep going mentality.

He asked why hadn't I talked to him before and seemed quite nice.

But hasn't asked me once since how i am. Not once. Any references by me are glossed over ( v rare as I just get on with it best I can)

Is it me or is this just utterly awful?

He is like this for anything health related for me. Never enquires. Always ignores.

Why is he like this? Is his mum or dad a hypercondriac? There is no such thing as 'not believing' in mental illness... That's like not believing in...air?
I would expect my DH to be concerned and urge me to get counselling (although he's not perfect, as an alpha make he often uses my weaknesses against me if we argue)...

Well, my DP tried to hide his inner eye rolling, but I know fine well what he was thinking. He did and said mostly the right stuff though.

Tell somebody else. Your mum, your sister, your doctor. They won't be cynical, they'll be kind and supportive. That's what you need right now. If your DP isn't the one to confide in right now then so be it. Put yourself first, and tell people who will take you seriously. Good luck x

There is an awful ignorance about MH issues. Your DH sounds very insensitive, but it's possible he simply has no idea what to say or do to help you. Have you seen your GP? Could you ask him/her to talk to your DH?

He had a parent with a chronic physical condition after an injury. I believe this made the parent a miserable and grumpy. Maybe he learnt to ignore all illness related issues

I have told other people but not any friends or family ( except one remote friend). I have support but no one close to me to be kind.

I am much improved now but it's been a harsh few months. Especially hiding it away at home.

Tumble. - I had thought that maybe he has no idea on what to say.

Empathy in general isn't his strong point though.

When DD was about 3 months old I woke DH one night and told him I was having suidical thoughts and that I thought I had PND. He rolled over and went back to sleep, and never mentioned it again. When I asked him months later about it, he said he didn't know what to say, so didn't say anything.

I told my parents and they got in a huff because they thought I was implying that they weren't helping enough so I got a lecture on how they'd been making a huge effort (they actually hadn't).

After DS was born my mother told me she was glad I didn't have PND again because I had made everyone's lives so hard the first time i had it (though they also refused to babysit DD while DS was in hospital for his first month with suspected brain damage, because they were so traumatised and exhauseted by having a sick grandson; some people just can't realise that it's not always about them!)

Yes, it is utterly awful. How would he take it if you ignored an ongoing medical problem he had? Not well I bet.

And ignorance is no excuse. If someone you love tells you they are ill and you don't understand what the illness is, you can bloody well google it.

The only possible excuse is if he thought the fact that you didn't mention it again means that you "got better" right away.

That's mad Crazy. Your parents response was odd.

Hope you recovered ok

Maybe Elephant. One Sunday night I mentioned it to test the water and said that it had been one of those days like a black cloud. I later got accused of being moody.

I came home from a therapy session, I had suffered with depression for years, but had been getting on with it. The pnd came with some particularly bad symptoms though and a couple of other things had made me realise now was the time to deal with it.
Anyway I came home from a therapy session, curled up into a little ball and sobbed, saying I didn't think I could deal with the pain.
My ex-h told me I had to deal with it. Which in hindsight, was his way of telling me he couldn't 'deal' with it.
Anyway that was one of the paving stones on the road to the end of our marriage.

In my previous job where I was bullied to the point of wanting to harm myself, I took advantage of a county council scheme offering 6 free counselling sessions. In the first one I simply cried for an hour, I could barely articulate what was going on. I had been described ADs the week before and was generally a bit of a wreck.
Got back to school the next day and the Head (not the bully but allowed it to happen) asked me, "all better now?" He wasn't even being a knob, he was just clueless and genuinely thought that's how mental health problems are "fixed."

Did your DH come from a family where things like mental health aren't really talked about? I certainly did and I know if I ever were to tell my mother I was suffering from depression she'd instantly tell me I wasn't and to pull myself together. Some people simply don't understand and think you're wallowing and being self absorbed.

If you're unwell it's his responsibility to bloody educate himself a bit, not pretend it's not happening!

It really is the case that these people either think its all about them or they are clueless.

All of the relevant points suggest that DH is like this due to upbringing. But it doesn't mean he can't try.

There is also an awful lot of it being about him.

My husband is the exact same!

Hope you feel better soon

Ditto. My dh is unempathetic (if that's a word at all)
He was a right twat towards me when I broke my leg.

Really couldn't see I couldn't do anything with my dds. They are 2 and 4. I had major surgery on it, so was off my feet for 3 months.

Its really fucking annoying, because if he gets man flu, we all hear about it, and plan his funeral cos he's dying.

All of the relevant points suggest that DH is like this due to upbringing. But it doesn't mean he can't try.
Oh yes, this. My DH sometimes comes out with the 'I'm sorry, it's just the way I was brought up' shite and doesn't seem to understand that you're responsible for your own thinking as an adult, regardless or how you were brought up!

We really do need to have the same standards for our partners as we do for ourselves. Under what circumstances would you laugh off something as severe (even fatal) as depression?

My h asked me why i had a face on me (looked miserable). I had been feeling reaaly anxious and down so thought this would be a good time to tell him. i said 'i'm feeling quite down at the moment' which was quite abbig thing for me to say at the time. He said 'why do you have to bring that up now' and walked off. So, that was the end of that. I am now on citalopram and feeling much stronger.

Why on earth are you all accepting such dreadful treatment by people who are supposed to love you? Have you or would you react the same if it was your p who was depressed? If not maybe stop looking in the mirror and instead look at your oh.

I suffered from depression which was triggered by being rushed into hospital and having surgery which resulted in my fallopian tubes being removed. To say I was devastated would be an understatement. My GP put me on Prozac which I stayed on for 2 years. My H never enquired how I was, he wasn't interested. He was more interested in the football results. He now says he didn't know I was on ADs??? He is now my XH.

He sounds horrible. That's not a loving partner.

Sorry

DH was pretty good - did balls up one morning by going back to bed when I was so anxious I was practically climbing the walls, but apologised later. I was diagnosed literally in front of him though, and my GP also signed DH off work for six weeks to look after me (officially with stress) as he was so concerned about me, so that really brought it home.

I must confess I hate it when my mum talks to me about her mental health problems, I just want it all to go away, but that's just not bloody good enough, the least I can do is listen.

What joblot said. The one person in the world who should support you is your DP/DH.

I had depression a number of years ago and my DP knows this, so we were both on the look out for PND in the early days.

When my milk came in on day 3 and I had the baby blues I mentioned to him how down I felt and the first thing he said was "do you want to have a chat with the doctor? I'll come with you if you'd like; or I'll look after the baby if you'd prefer to go alone".

That is a normal reaction, and how I'd react to him if he told me he felt depressed. With love, care and concern.

I felt I suffered after having dd2, actually in hindsight I was really struggling, had an emcs and couldn't get my head around why it happened and felt I had failed. I finally cracked and told my husband how I felt and his response was he didn't know how to deal with it and to speak to a professional. Saw my hv and I cried to her telling her how I felt and she said nothing, actually ignored what I said and carried on talking about check up with dd2. That was the last time I spoke of it as I felt I was being a 'drama queen' neither dh or hv mentioned it since either. I feel I'm better now, don't know how I managed it mind but I still can't talk about the birth of dd2 without crying. Sorry to go on, just wanted to get it off my chest :)

Not going on Lisa. Glad you can mention it here. Thats awful... hope you are doing ok these days mostly.

You are all right, he should be supporting me not making me on edge with my own health for fear of making him narky with me.

Jeez. not sure if it can be fixed....