Friends- why is it always me who has to call?

[ivmessedup]

I have two close friends and a very few others. With all of them it's always me who makes the effort to call, text, keep in touch. I always buy close friends' kids gifts birthdays/ Xmas and make sure I deliver them. They'll reciprocate with my DD when they see me, even if ages after birthday/ Xmas. What am I doing wrong? Feel like ditching the lot of them and starting again!!

I think late gifts are fine but really the texts/calls should be a two way thing. Can you make an effort to make new friends? I'd still carry on with your two friends but to a lesser extent

You remind me of a friend I have, always gig 100 miles an hour and wondering why everyone else is not. Maybe these friends operate on a different slower time than you do? Also, you don't have to always be the one calling! Go out with other friends, leave the non callers to make their calls in their own time.

So stop calling! Take a step back. If they are true friends, they'll be in touch. If not, you'll make new ones.

That's what I've been thinking. I have one relatively new acquaintance and she is the only one who txtd me re a big milestone for my daughter this week. Think I might be more proactive in pursuing this new friendship. Do feel quite upset about this though. Makes me feel I'm not worth bothering about.

You are worth bothering about. But people lead their own lives and don't always remember other people's things xx. It's not that people don't care xx

Maybe they're shy/introverted, even if they don't appear to be. I find it difficult to 'put myself out there'/worry about rejection or coming on too strong, so sometimes don't call/text people when I'd like to. I want to be friends really though and wish that I didn't feel like this!

I feel like this sometimes OP and I decided to make a point of not contacting two friends and just see what happened. It took 3 months to hear from either of them. They both have very busy lives, multiple hobbies, family all around them etc. I on the other hand just have my job and DH. I am making a conscious effort to do more with my spare time and I have regular long phone calls with friends back home who I don't see often but I know they value my friendship. Stop trying, I actually feel better for it.

Yes stop making the effort.... you're doing all the legwork! You don't have the same place in their lives they have in yours. Also,definitely stop the present buying, it's not appreciated. Just let contact lapse and see how long it takes them to remember you exist. In the meantime, work on other friendships and try and develop new ones.

I have friends who make all the effort I wish they give me a break sometimes. They don't have kids and I don't think they understand how busy I am. My friend I know gets annoyed cause she has to phone me and she's always sending cards for every occasion and I'm not really in to that whole thing. Im happy just to phone for a chat every once in a while and a night out if I feel like it. Maybe let them come to you for a while. Most likely they are just at a very busy time in their lives and if you give them a
Break they will come
Back to you.

I agree with sweetie.

I have a friend where I feel bad because she is always making the effort. She doesn't have kids. I just don't have an hour plus in the evenings for long conversations after the kids are in bed. Sometimes I'll excuse myself from a conversation after an hour has passed with some excuse and my friend will say, "Oh, no problem, call me back when you've finished". And I'm like

I feel horrible writing that but I simply don't have time for conversations like that these days. Spare time is carefully rationed. It puts me off phoning and I think I'd call more often if I knew I wouldn't be on the phone so long.

In my defense I am good with birthdays etc.