Dp now telling me not to go back to work, after I've agreed to go back full time - arghhhhhh

[PanicPants]

Last night in bed I asked dp if he could take ds out for a few hours at the weekend so I could start to prepare/plan for september (I teach). I'm due to go back to school in sept after mat. leave, full time, after my flexible working hours request was rejected (long story) tears and tantrums prevailed and in the end, after a lot of soul searching had to decide to resign or go back to teaching full time.

I panicked at the thought of surviving on only one income, no pension contributions, lack of career development, might not get a job in the future etc etc, that we decided to try full time.
(we had changed our mortgage, got rid of a car, and made provisions so I could afford to just go back part time)

So that was that.

Anyway, last night he says to me, in a huff, well I wouldn't have to if you weren't going back to work.

Wtf? So I say that I thought he wanted me to work, couldn't afford not to, etc, and he says No, he never did.

I'm fuming, so I'm going back to work full time, in a time consuming job when I don't want to, and ds is having a go at me for going back to work.

So of course argument prevails with me saying it's a bit late for you to be telling me that now, you should have made your feelings clear before, and he says he did, but he soooo didn't.

I'm fuming.

And to top it off, I've got to pop into school now to collect stuff to do my medium term planning for september now, instead of playing with ds.

Arghhhhhhhh

Argh indeed! Bless him!

Do you think he could do a proper grown up conversation abou this? Sit him down and talk through exactly what he thinks about you going back, his ideas for how you would manage without the wage etc.

I guess there is still enought itme to change your mind with the school, although I don't know about there contracts etc I should imagine it is frowned upon?

How do you feel about it - would you have gone back if you realised dp didn't want you too?

If you could manage financially, DP doesn't want you to go back to work and you don't want to, can't you just tell the school you have changed your mind ?

Panicpants - what do you want to do?

Definitly wouldn't have gone back if I'd have known. We did discuss it and at the time we both decided on part time, but as it turned out it was an option with the school I'm at now.

I was going to appeal the decision (whole different thread) but decided that as I would have to work there regardless of the outcome, that I wouldn't. So then had to decide to do full time or nothing.

We did discuss looking for another teaching post in another school for part itme work, but nothing has come up in the town I live.

I think it is too late for me to back out now as I've sent my letter in giving dates for return etc. And it would also leave the school in the lurch, so to speak.

I guess I'll have to do and, like originally planned, see how it goes, and if it doesn't work, resign at Christmas.

I had no idea dp felt like this, and will sit him down and discuss it calmly tonight.

I'm annoyed as I didn't want to go back at all, and felt that the school pushed me into going back full time, and went through so much upset at the time which, if dp had said how he felt, could have all been avoided.

Panicpants - if you don't want to go back, don't. Leaving the school in the lurch is not your problem - selfish I know but I think you have to put yourself and your ds first (how old is he?). It sounds to me like you'll be miserable doing full time - I'd imagine it's hard enough for those women that want to do it iyswim. I guess going along with it till Christmas might make it easier for you to make that decision. You will absolutely know, 100%, that it doesn't work for you and you can tell the school you gave it a shot and it's not working out for you.

If it was me and I didn't want to go back, I just wouldn't.

he's 9 months.

I don't know what to do now

Also, re leaving sdchool in lurch, isn't it worse if you start the year and then leave than if you give them a half term and all of the summer hols? I am sure there are teachers out there, but by half way through the year it has got to be harder surley?

I really think a long hard heart to heart is needed - afterall if he wants and you want it then.,.....

I know it makes sense sm, but I have to go back for 13 weeks or else have to pay back my mat. money - about £3000.

Ahh, that is slightly different then!

ok be pragmatic,
1)how much do you need the f/t salary? what will you net after all other costs taken into consideration (inc less obvious stuff like dry-cleaning, extra takeaways etc) and can you afford to pay back the £3k?

2)then, what does yr gut instinct tell you to do?

Now, make a decision!
God, it's so much easie rto do this for someone else! I've just decided to go back in a couple of months (got 2, one only 10 mths).

We have got the £3k but it's our savings, can afford part time, but not for me to be completly a sahm.

I've arranged childcare and had kind of got my head around going back, and now I'm uncertain. I'm meeting my new class in a couple of weeks!

well, cd you do supply teaching then on a p/t basis on the days you have childcare booked?

Yes I could do, but not at my present school, as when I asked for this option as part of my flexible working meeting, the head said it would 'offend' currant supply teachers if he gave me work over them!

Hi PP
Sorry to hear you are still agonising over the whole return to work scenario. Can understand how p*ssed off you might feel at your DP for saying only now that he'd prefer you not to work, but perhaps he didn't want to unambiguously state his preference before because he wanted you to make your mind up without taking his preference into consideration (IYSWIM?) But then under pressure he's told you, and you have enough doubts about your decision to find this latest development undermines your whole plan...

However, you still have some choices. It's 14 June now - so you could write to your Head informing him that you are returning to work on 23rd July (the last Sunday of this school year that is worked - at least around here). If you provide a medical certificate confirming that you are fit to return to work from that date, the LEA are obliged to pay you full-time over the summer holiday and count it as part of your 13 weeks at week. That would mean that you would only have to work up until half term in September in order to retain your £3k.

If you then decide that you cannot bear to be at work full-time - and you are not contemplating a return to teaching in the same area - you could leave. However, you would possibly be blacklisted for future employment with schools in your region.

You could do the autumn term and hand in your notice for 31 December 2006 - and save your earnings like crazy for those months so that you could fund 6 months / a year at home afterwards. During that time you can keep your eyes peeled for PT work in your area.

Whatever you decide - the Autumn term is 14 or so weeks. It seems like forever from here, but you can get through it if you have to and it probably won't damage your DS, or your relationship with him. In the great scheme of things this is a relatively short period of time, it just feels like forever from this view.

Am sure it will work out fine because you are clearly a mother who adores her baby and gives him loads of time and consideration. HTH

what does your dh do? is there any chance of him going part time? (sorry, missed earlier threads, probably been through that one).

panicpants, that you are in this situation.

Do you think that perhaps it has suddenly dawned on your dh that if you go back to work he is going to have to be in sole charge of your ds whilst you are doing preparation work/marking/planning etc? Hence why he is suddenly backing out. Sorry not helpful really but might help you to see where he is coming from. (((hugs))) what a crap situation for you.

Just do what you want to do.