Nightmare - living with XP

[Janos]

Very much XP I have to say.

Brief history - Split up with ex in Nov last year (my decision). I moved out with our DS.. After various traumas I've ended up homeless and am having to stay with ex cos I have nowhere else to go - am on housing list. I'm currently suffering from serious depression and made a half hearted attempt to kill myslef at the weekend. Came to and wondered what the hell I was playing at.

Ex currently in throes of new relationship which he began 1 week before I was evicted from my flat so as I'm sure you can imagine the atmosphere is horrendous.

I'm desperate to get out but don't know what I can do. Private renting is out as my credit rating is shot to pieces.

How on earth can I make this work? I really need to get out of there but don't know what to do.

Go to your GP and talk it through, if they agree taht your housing situatoin is causing you undue stress then they can approach the council on yor behalf and get them to bump you up the list a bit.

A bit drastic, but if you can get ex to throw you out then the council will have to put you in temporary housing - usually a B&B - which is not great either but it depends on your priorities.

Also whilst you are at teh GP's get tehm to refer you for some councilling etc, are you on any meds to help you through? I think that side of things needs a real review with the GP.

I am sorry that you are oging through tough times, I hope some of this is of some help.

Thanks securmummy.

I'm already on AD's at the moment and went to the GP on Monday after a horrible weekend and lots of sniping/nastiness. I just thought I can't go on like this - GP has referred me for an emergency hospital appointment.

Just to make things worse, XP has announced that he is staying away tonight with new girlfriend and will be on Saturday as well.

My mum had invited me down (live away from family) for a rest but looks like that isn't going to happen now.

Anyway, thanks for listening.

get ex to move out and you can stay there?

Foxinsocks, I mentioned that - he says it's his flat and he won't go.

When I moved out, we remortgaged so it's now his.

I have to be honest I have behaved very badly over this new relationship he's having.

did you not get a sum of money then (when he remortgaged)? is he ds's dad? (sounds like he is being a twat)

what's happening that you cant stay with your mum?

foxinsocks, there is only me and XP living up here, no family or friends where DS could stay.

XP says he's tired and needs a rest.

So do I

I will be getting money from the remortgage but it's all going to pay off debts.

Go back to your GP and explain about being on the housing list, if he doesn't offer it, ask for a letter supporting the fact that your living situation is causing unnesecary stress - get them to look at ds too if you think it will help, after all the stress can't be doing him any favours.

Why hasn't the money from the remortgage come through yet - it is a long time if you left in November

It's just taken ages to organise, for some reason, I don't know.

XP didn't start the process until the end of January.

I'm seeing a consultant & CPN at the hospital this afternoon and will mention the housing stuation to them. One good thing, my HV has been really supportive.

God I've just realised I must sound pathetic, honestly I'm not, just shattered and exhausted.

I love my DS so much and want what's best for him, had a horrible time with PND which contributed to the relationship ending.

Good, they should be able to help and it is good that you rHV is supportive to - perhaps sh will fight on your side with the council too?

The only other advice I have for the council is to camp out there - ours has a little paly room for the children and I used to go down there every day in the morning and ask where I was on the list, then sit and play with the kids for the morning, explaining that I had nowhere esle to take them as the park was out in the middle of winter. THey used to get quite cross until they realised that I was not going away, then I got given cups of coffee and moved up the list quite fast!

It is a shame about the remortgage, I should imagine having the debts sorted out would make a huge difference to you right now.

Oh, yes, and you do not come across as pathetic

Thanks SecurMummy, I appreciate all your advice. Just feel like I can't copw ith anything ATM but know I have to..just trying to keep going, for DS.

Well, you are keeping going for ds, so good on you, you just have top keep it up (easy said I know)

At the end of the day you are in a really hard situation, but you are managing to keep going - no matter how hard it is you have got this far and from here there are lots of good things coming - paying off the debts, getting a house and being able to set up home for you and ds. You are getting help with the PND which will pay off in time.

TBH I think ex should be more supportive of you but then we all know that other people aren't all that so I guess it is best to write him off.

Contact your mum again, see if there is any way round the situation with her, it may just help to get away.

"TBH I think ex should be more supportive of you"

LOL, and pigs might fly....

Honestly, he is not a horrible person at all, don't mean to make him sound that way...just the situation is very stressful for both of us really.

Yes I should htink it is hard. Especially as he has had the chance to start a new relationship etc.

I understand your feeling bad about that too, but really it is not his fault IYSWIM. Definitly some space needed all round I thnk!