Sick of crossed wires with SIL and me being slammed for it

[Elf1981]

When my DH and I first met and were dating, I got on really well with his sister. Me, my DH, his sister and her fella would go out once a month (at least), we'd go on holiday together and they'd stop at our house and we all got on really well. So much so that my own sister felt as if I preferred my DH's sis to her (bless her!).
Anyway, we had a huggggggggggggggggggggggge falling out six weeks before my wedding and we haven't been comfortable around each other since (this was two and a half years ago now).
For ages I found it really difficult, and if I were quiet around her (now my SIL) and her fella, I'd be accused of causing tensions. So I decided to make a big effort and chat to them both etc, but this keeps leading to me being slammed as my comments are taken out of context and I'm accused of being nasty.
The latest one arose when I was at the PIL's house and talking about how me and DH had been given a lecture about child safety by our HV as DD had fallen off the bed. We were all having a laugh and a joke. SIL was due to move into their own place a week or so later, and made some comment to DH that when she'd moved, she wanted to look after DD (well, didn't ask just said she was going to). So my MIL pipes up that the house would have to be safe. I laughed and said something along the lines of 'oh yeah, got to be safe', bearing in mind that we'd only been laughing five minutes ago about our house and the HV.
So, a week or so passes, then SIL's fella makes a couple of comments to DH about how we cant go up unless the house is 'safe'. DH is confused and we eventually find out that I have app told SIL that I wont go to the house unless it's child proof. ?!?!?!?!
I'm annoyed because nobody spoke direct to me about it, annoyed because DH is stuck in the middle, annoyed that if I dont talk I'm called nasty and if I do talk and try to have a laugh, I still get called nasty. I'm fed up of the fact that SIL would have told other people what I'd said and I'm portrayed as being a nasty person (when I work so hard to be a good in-law, the only prob was with SIL but I had a good relationship with everybody else, but the constant tattle telling to others from SIL is making me out to be a bad person). I hate the fact that the family side with her (naturally) but cant understand when I get upset, esp the time when she discovered I was pregnant (mistake at a health spa we went to together, a ploy by DH & her fella to get us to spend some time together), and she told DH that we'd have to tell people that we were pg because she 'couldn't keep it to herself' and so we ended up telling family a couple of weeks before I wanted to.
What would you do?

Avoid her when you can, and when it's questioned, say that you're very nervous of having every comment dissected and misconstrued!! Not being able to keep your pregnancy as secret was dreadful - and it would have been a great opportunity for her to seal your friendship - you know, you share a big secret.

you can't really get rid of her and this situation is making life difficult for you all. if you were friends once is there no way to clear the air and try again?

agree with pesme, could you meet up with her and just say the situation is very unpleasant, let's forget about the past and try to be friends again. She sounds a bit insecure so you may have to be extra nice to get her on side.

I did the whole 'okay, made some errors, lets forget about it and move on' bit, and I meant it, but that's when the comments being taken the wrong way stared happening.
I was really upet about the pregnancy business, only me and DH knew and me and SIL were on a spa day and there were a few comments made my somebody supposed to be doing my treatment which SIL overheard. She never asked me, just sent a text a few days later asking if I were pregnant. DH confirmed it and asked her to keep it quiet as we didn't want to say til after the scan, then she told him that it was too far away and she couldn't keep it a secret for that long, she was worried she'd let it slip. I was so wound up, we then told people about four weeks earlier than what we originally wanted.
Anyway, so I tried to clear the air and held my hands up and apologised for any bad feelings, but comments are now taken out of context and I end up feeling really miserable about it, esp when she moans to my other in-laws and they see it in the bad way not in the way it was orignally said.

Have you resolved the falling out from before your wedding? Or even spoken about it? Clearing the air about that might help make things work better?

Otherwise, yeah, I'd just avoid her.

well if you've already tried to clear things up and she's still being like this I don't think there's much more you can do.

Since things are already not great you could perhaps just be really honest, matter-of-fact and clear with her and clarify everything so there can be no room for misunderstanding.

On the matter of your pregnancy and her inability to keep it secret I would have strssed how upsetting it would be to have to tell everyone early and said "well if you can't keep it to yourself we won't be able to tell you anything in confidence ever again".