Is it ever acceptable to 'pack in' a friend?

[saylavee]

What if you never really had much in common with them in the first place, it's a chore to see them, they irritate you with their competitiveness which masks their insecurities, their dh is a complete tosspot and you feel compelled to shout like Pete off BB everytime their dh's name is mentioned
BUT
their insecurities make you feel awful for them, you know what they must have to put up with married to that w*er, they don't really have many other friends at all and they are lonely?

Is phasing it out by decreasing the contact a humane thing to do? If you were shagging that person you could just pack them in... 'It's just not working for me anymore'.... 'It's not you, it's me'.... 'You deserve better'..... etc.

I had a BF who I had generally had a good time with, but she had this horrible way with her. if she didn't like something, this 'voice' would come out, which was so sharp. She also completely drained me at various times. We've had a few fallings out & then last year I didn't want to go out on her birthday (I'd had a miscarriage & just wasn't up to it, TTC etc etc). She felt she 'needed' me there & was very cool afterwards. What a relief this was ! This gave me some much needed breathing space & I found life less frantic. We exchange the odd e-mail, but I think it was the final straw & I don't miss her at all - it's taken quite a few years though.

My advise is to just cool it with her, although if she asks what's wrong, the best thing would be to tell her as gently as possible.

one option is to speak to her about how you feel. not the pitying her bit but ask her why she's so competitive the next time she does it. that might bring her out of it and you might find something worthwhile in your relationship.

if that's not something you would want to do then i think you're perfectly justified in ending the relationship.

i ended a 25 year friendship when i didn't want a 'friend' to come to my wedding. she always used to make me feel really crap about myself and i didn't want her spoiling my special day. i told her why i wanted to end the relationship in an email - very cowardly i know, just didn't have the strength to speak to her - and i never heard from her again. i don't regret ending the relationship because she used to make me feel so bad, but i do feel sad about the situation.

I think it is okay to cut off a friend if you never feel okay/happy around them. I have just cut off from my best friend of 15 years. Finding it extremely hard and have cried many tears but it had to be done. She is with an absolute tosspot who she started going out with 18 months ago. He cheated on her for 9 months (he was blackmailed apparently), got the other girl pregnant and the other girl is now stalking them and has broken into their house etc. He does drugs, drinks like a fish, smokes, gambles excessively, compulsive liar and watches/reads porn excessively (she has asked him not to). My best friend has changed completely since being with him and is starting to sound just like him. She is planning on marrying him and having a baby asap (he doesn't want to). I can't stand being in the same room as him (haven't told bf that) and she won't see me without him around so I have stopped contact. I believe it will all end unhappily but she needs to make the mistake to realise it. I will be there to pick up the pieces when it happens though.