I don't want to be used any more (Trivial)

[SomebodyThatIUsedToUse]

So, backstory...

I met a man, he was not my usual type but thought he was quite nice (more friend-wise than anything romantic) but genuinely wasn't very interested.

He asked me out a lot, I avoided the question/made up excuses every time (Not very nice, I realise), eventually I went out with him; we went on a few dates and I started to see him differently, I slept with him (too soon), still all fine, we carried on 'dating' but we weren't really, the 'dates' had now shifted from going out for drinks to staying in for drinks - obviously very sex-focused. We also chatted quite a lot when we weren't together, we were fairly good friends.

I knew really that it wasn't going anywhere and I was/am ok with that*

Fast forward to now, it is literally just sex. We don't even speak, aside from the Friday night "Want to meet up?" texts.

Now, I 100% know that I'm being used. *I genuinely do not mind a FWB-type relationship, I actually don't want a 'proper' relationship BUT I do want respect and I do expect a bit of casual chit-chat/communication aside from the 'invite' text.

Here is my problem, I don't want this any more, if I'm honest I do want what we used to have but realistically I know I'm not getting that back but I have very low self-worth (pathetic, I know) and therefore when I'm a bit low I will jump at his invite. I need to tell him that I don't want this but I want him to realise it's because this is not how you should treat people (or allow yourself to be treated). I want to come out of this with some dignity (too late, I fear).

I know I should just delete his number - I already tried that and that no response is the best response but if anybody does have any good response to his sex-invites, I'd be grateful.

Lastly, thank-you for reading, I do know this is utterly trivial, pathetic and fairly embarrassing. Apologies to people with real problems

It's not trivial at all. If you deleted his number, what happened then - you must have responded to a subsequent text? Could you just reply to next txt 'sorry, this isn't working for me any more, best wishes for the future, SIUTB?

Yes, that's the thing; he text me something not to do with meeting up for sex and as I'm so pathetic, I obviously thought 'ooh this is getting back to how it was' so replied.

You're right; I should just say that. Simple, easy, straight to the point.

A part of me wants to tell him why (I don't want sex with somebody who doesn't deem me good enough to speak to aside from during these meet-ups) but I think if I'm honest that's because I'm still hoping he'll change when he 'realises'.

He already realises - he's got me exactly where he wants me!

I really am ridiculous.

Thank you for your reply Walk

You're not being ridiculous - you had hopes for the relationship in the beginning, he has lazily settled into FWB, you're admitting to yourself it's not what you want, and now it's time to do something about it. If he asks you 'why', you can say - you want a relationship with someone that extends beyond the bedroom. Alternatively you can just always be 'busy' and not invite him round any more. He'll either persist and ask why, or he'll let it drop. Make a vow to yourself - you are not going to invite him round any more! If he suggests a date - see how you feel - but I wouldn't want to end up in bed after one date, or you're back to square one!

You need to be strong. It will not be easy but as PP said - simple text - this is not working for me and leave it at that.
Block his number and don't contact him again.
FWB is great - but he's not even being a friend - it's just sex.
FWB should be the fun bit of having a nice meal, and good drink and having a laugh and then sex. And sometimes not even the sex!
You know what to do - so do it!

Exactly hellsbells, that's what it used to be and I was happy with that, I am currently much happier with FWB than a full relationship but now it is absolutely just sex, no friendship (obviously we still get on and we chat and hang out the next day but that's not enough).

Should I text now while I'm feeling strong or wait for his next 'come round?' text?

I wish I'd never got into this mess!

Hellsbells what you describe as FWB sounds to me like a date!

Clarty, I do think that's what I expect from FWBs, I expect the friends bit as much as the sex part. Perhaps I'm naive.

Sorry, I don't know really - I've never done a friends with benefits thing before. It's just when Hellsbells described it as a meal, a few drinks, a laugh and then sex, well, to me that sounds like a date. I guess it must work if both parties are quite clear about the boundaries or whatever, but I don't have any experience of it.

Anyway, it sounds like you're not too happy with the way it's panning out so I would say swerve it from now on.

Behaving like how Hell describe will give off mixed signals if he/she is not looking for a relationship.

Forget about the 'diginity' issue, TBH it sounds like you may have developed feelings for him and its about time you 2 have a chat.

You have to know what YOU want and be prepared to end things if you don't hear what you want.

You see - I think there is a difference between FWB and a FB!
What you have now is a FB, what you used to have is a FWB.
I like to go out and have a laugh and bit of banter first before moving on to DTD!
We both know the boundaries and we are both well aware that neither one of us has the time or inclination for a relationship.
Just a good night out and some good sex at the end of that.
That's what I would describe as FWB.
I would probably have a chat with him next time I saw him face to face and let him know how you feel about it all.