Swearing infront of baby?

[HaveIGotPoosForYou]

Hi wasn't too sure where to put this so putting it in relationships, as it's somewhat to do with relationships and moreso to do with them than anything else.

My partner's family swear quite often. Sometimes quite strong language. I get on with them OK, although we have had some fallings out as we don't agree on a lot of things, but I always make an effort to be kind to them.

My DD is 4 months old. It's not such a worry now as she's still really small but what I am worried about is when she's a bit older, that she'll copy their swearing?

Now I know I can't tell them not to swear but my question is how do I teach her it's not good to swear, yet she hears her grandparents/aunts/uncles etc swear? As in how do I explain to her in an age appropriate way some people swear, but it's not right to do so?

I'm pretty stuck to be honest.

My Dad would be horrified to hear her coping swearwords from them and Mum would be concerned, albeit a bit more easygoing about it. I just don't fancy one of her first words being 'shit' or 'fuck' or dare I say it, the c word. I don't see them all that often, but enough that she could pick up on it.

I'm honestly not trying to sound precious that's why I'd never insist on telling someone what vocabulary they can use. Just want to know how to teach her the appropriate way to talk, when others around her are using bad language?

Anyone got any experience of this and how do you deal with it?

Thanks in advance :)

Of course you can tell them not to swear around her! Whether they'll stop or not is down to them.

Your child, you set the boundaries.

You tell them not to swear in front of her.
I'm mid 40's and still get a slap from my mum if I swear in front of her!
They do copy. We didn't swear at all in front of my DD but one of her first very clear words was 'fuckinghell'.
Nightmare! She had picked it up from the childminders house.
Make it clear that you don't want your little one swearing.
Good luck with that!

Are they aggressive sweary or thoughtless sweary? How would they react if you started pulling them up on each and every swear in front of baby? There's a few months before she starts talking, there's time if they're willing to change - if not, they may not see their newest relative. What does DP say about it?

Doesn't matter at four months. Gives you time to start saying (when they swear). "Ooh, you won't be able to do that when mini-haveigotpoosforyou is one now, will you?"
And add in some stories about your "friend's" toddler who swore in front of the priest/bank manager/health visitor for good measure.

They probably don't notice how much they swear.

Becomes a habit for some people and it drives me potty. Simple enough they just have to snap out of it. I take my DD on the train and people swear all around us, as though they think children are used to it. My DD is not, and doesn't know which words are swear words. i'm proud of it and that doesn't make me a snob grrrrr.

Have you mentioned to them? Are they defensive or do they acknowledge it's wrong? You can't tell them not to swear, but you can tell them not to swear in front of your child.

They don't realise how much they swear I don't think. Sometimes it's thoughtless swearing, sometimes it's aggressive swearing. It sometimes makes me cringe and I'm not a prude when it comes to swearing. If I smack my toe or something falls on me, swearwords are often uttered, but managed to curb it when DD is around as knowing my luck it'll be the word that sticks!

I think they'd probably tell me to fuck off if I told them not to swear, as it's something they all do and find natural.

DP doesn't swear often himself, but he finds it normal that his family does, as he's grew up with it iyswim.

Oh and sorry about the swearing ^ just to illustrate how they would respond.

I know what you mean about it being a habit. My Gran (Dad's Mum) used to swear an awful lot when we visited when I was younger. Normally it was when she'd had a few bevvies, but sometimes when not. It made Mum very nervous that I'd end up copying and running into school repeating bad words that I'd heard.

Luckily for Mum, I was very sensible and did listen when she told me not to repeat words. It's not always that easy though.

I don't mind saying to them if they visit ours to not swear infront of her as I feel I have more of a right to do this, as it's at my place. At theirs though I feel like I'd be taking the proverbial. I don't want to come across as a snob. If she was a teenager, I'd have no problem as by then she'd know not to repeat that kind of stuff.

To be honest we've had disagreements before about things, so I'd want my DP to approach them if did have to mention it, but would probably end up being the worst in the world. I am only doing it for her sake though and of course it wont look good if the HV visits at her 1 year checkup and she's learnt a dirty word.

I think you just have to keep mentioning it. Start off nicely, though. If they swear, just lightly say "oh, I'm sorry, would you mind not swearing in front of the baby?" Non-accusatory is the way to go at first.

If a lot of it is unconscious swearing they'll probably respond well to that. DP and I were are unconscious swearers and it took a little while to realise that and change our language.

My mother has only just recovered from her horror when DS (18 months) copied her saying 'bitch'.

She'd been excruciatingly careful about her language for weeks and was actually talking about dogs! I felt quite sorry for her, but I do rib her about it.

Better for them to start practising now I reckon....

I swear quite a lot and my 3 year old never has. You never know, it might not be an issue.

I think with family you can ask. I think with the general public on a train you have to lump it!

B cusses all the time and I am ignoring, she's inly 2! My mum doesn't even know she's doing it, B gets it from there. When W was teeny she used to introduce her little brother as a right little bugger. My mum thinks this is very funny. Until she took her to visit some relatives she wanted to brag in front of and B chanted Fuck over and over again, then banged her toe and said shit. However, I remember being in infant school and cussing and she washed my mouth out with soap and we were not allowed to swear. We've told her to curb it, but she forgets as it's part of everyday for her.

Yeah hopefully they'll get bored of it and see it as nothing interesting if you don't respond/react.

I can understand swearing, and do plenty myself in the pub, with mates, etc. Most people can moderate their language around:

1. People they don't know, or;
2. Children.

That's not snobbery, just manners.

Regarding your partner's family, it would be simple with me. They wouldn't get to spend any time with my DC, unless they stopped the foul language. Of course you'd need your partner's support to take such a hard line.

I don't think you're being precious at all. If they tell you to "fuck off", then are they really people you want to spend much time with?

Most of the time I don't enjoy that much time with them to be honest, but I keep that to myself.

But yes, hopefully I can get my partner on board too, but he's so used to it I don't know how to show him it's not really appropriate.

If it is nasty, aggrssive and confrontational swearing, tis a big deal.
If it is just the odd shit or bollocks, not such a big deal.
Also depends where you are - not sure you can tell people to stop swearing in their own home. At your home, obv your rules apply.
IME, the golden rule is that the bigger deal you make about swearing, the more kids will do it.
Ultimately, it is only words. Actions speak much louder.

Completely agree age couldn't have put it better myself. :)