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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dysfunctional Family

5 replies

strawberrypatch · 12/08/2013 12:28

Have set up a new username to post on here and have found the courage to finally post after putting it off for years/months. I need help, professional help, I know I do, but first I just need to talk. Hope nobody minds. Will probably be jumbled, incoherent at times and lots of drip feeding.

I've stood up to my family for the first time ever and inevitably all hell has broken out. A very brief outline of the past and our upbringing is that it was dysfunctional - break ups, criminal activity, arguments, violence, alcohol abuse.

I'm struggling with the control that they (in particular, my mother) have over me. I know they love me and I know there are reasons for the past. I make no judgement about the past, I really don't. My parents loved us but didn't know how to parent properly or nurture us. What I have an issue with is that this dysfunction continues now. There was a criminal situation in my family recently which resulted in me having a breakdown. I supported everyone throughout immensely but in a nutshell, after the court case, I expressed that it shouldn't have happened.

I'm trying to be strong against it all. I won't be screamed and shouted at anymore. I've made mistakes with how I've handled situations, will make more I'm sure but I talk to resolve things. There's no talking. There's no agreeing to disagree. There's outbursts and tempers and violence.

Thank you for reading. I appreciate any thoughts, but know there is no magic solution to this. Thank you

OP posts:
BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 12/08/2013 14:01

No magic solution. Not much to say but you sound like an incredibly balanced person. You've been through so much and can still the good and value in people. Keep being who you are without getting dragged into messes.

Viking1 · 12/08/2013 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

strawberrypatch · 12/08/2013 14:46

Thank you so much for your replies.

I don't live near them anymore but it's the emotional hold they have over me. Also wanting my children to have a family has meant that I stupidly put up with things that I shouldn't have. I have lied to my children because I have hidden the dysfunction from them. I was wrong to do this in hindsight. I should have just stayed away.

OP posts:
strawberrypatch · 12/08/2013 19:25

Bumping. Thank you

OP posts:
strawberrypatch · 12/08/2013 22:15

Does anyone else have experience of a family like this? Especially the crime.

OP posts:
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