Does meeting your Dh in your early 20s or late 30s make a difference

[BooCanary]

I met DH at 21, straight from Uni. Am now late 30s and we have an ok relationship. We have 2 infant school age DCs, and have been married 10 yrs.

We are quite different people iyswim, and get on brilliantly half the time, but do argue (always have tbh) and like our own space/hobbies.

I have always been perceived by friends as the 'sorted' one. Good relationship, DCs, own house etc, and have quite a few close friends who had been long term single.

Then fairly recently 3 of my close friends have met lovely partners, settled down quite quick, moved in together, got engaged. And the DPs all seem so suited to them, loads in common. Like the person they were MEANT to meet iykwim.

I know its probably the thrill of the new relationship. DH and I are 17 yrs down the line, lots of responsibilities, and no time together, but part of me wonders whether people make better relationship choices in their late 30s than in their younger years.

DH and I have been together 9 years, since we were 20. Now married with a toddler. I am not sure we would get together now if we met, as we are different people now. But yet we're very happy together. That makes no sense but it does in my head.

If you're happy, you're happy. Doesn't matter if you have loads in common or nothing. If you're unhappy, you're unhappy. Doesn't matter if you have loads in common or nothing.

I think it's much harder to meet someone when you're older as you are more set in your ways - therefore maybe when you do click with someone they are more accurate for you? I got together with my DP at 21 too (20 years ago!!) My life would have been totally different if we had not got together - I don't think it would've been as good. That is not to say we aren't similar to you OP in that we have great times and not so great times but we have done a lot of growing up together which I think makes us stronger. Having said that friends who met & married the same time as us have just separated - bored with each other and what suited then does not now. We were together 10 years before having the first of our DC (thinking this was the sensible way to do it) but two friends of mine got pregnant withing the first 6 months of their relationships and are still with their DP's 20 years on so of course it comes down to the individuals and circumstances involved.

I think it depends on the people, I know I changed a lot in my 20s, so the person I was then, is not the person I am now. I had a long-term relationship from the ages of 16-25 and we broke up for many reasons, but we were very different people from when we got together. That said, 16 is obviously very young! I met my now DH at 29 and we are like two peas in a pod, very happy.

DH and I got together when we were 21, and 6 years later we are now newlyweds. We are very different people but we are a classic case of opposites attract. Yes we do argue but it's never been anything major. We haven't needed a break or had any doubt that we are meant to be together. If we met for the first time now, I think we would definitely get together but it would probably be a bit harder. We both work such long hours that it would probably be a bit difficult to handle at the start of a relationship.

I guess we started life together and we will grow together. if we met in late thirties we would already have our own established lives and would be looking for a partner that fits in with that rather than being very different, perhaps.

I met my DH when I was 37 & he was 35. We had both had long term/living together relationships but neither had been married before. I had my 11 yr old DD, he had no kids.
We had a long distance relationship initially, he came up most weekends. We married about 18 months after we met, been married 9 years now.
I think the difference meeting in your late 30's was that we had both been round the block a few times, had not so good relationships & knew what we wanted in a partner. I actively did'nt want to get married until I met him, then I knew I would never find anyone better for me, and it's true
The other thing is, we liked /loved each other the same, it was always very equal whereas in previous relationships there was always one that liked the other one better.
I do regret that we won't have so much time together, it's put us a bit behind with house buying, finances etc.

I met my DH when we were 16. I fell pregnant at 17 and DD was born when I was 18 (I'm now 29). I can't imagine ever being with anybody else and I can't imagine loving anybody else. There has been times when I've thought that DH and I are running out of things that we have in common, but then we do something together and I remember every reason why we're together. He is unappreciative of my sacrifices (giving up uni to raise DD so he could study medicine) but watching DH achieve his dream has made it all worth while. And I start uni this September . My friends who have met their partners now don't seem to have better relationships than DH and I. I think having DD so young helped us to grow together.

I met dh when we were both 18, and we share lots of interests, and same friends, same music interests.Getting together young has been fantastic for me.

But Petey it's not shared music tastes that make or break a relationship. And of course you have the same friends, you've never had an independent life from each other!

I think late 20s/early 30s is the perfect time to meet. You've done the bulk of the changing but aren't too set in your ways, it's young enough not to have to rush to TTC, you'll both have learnt from relationship "failures" etc and you get the blend of still being young and care free but mature enough to foresee settling down.

It depends on the individuals.
I was married at 26, H was 23.
If we'd met 10 years later we would never have married because we were very different people by then and by our early 40's we had completely grown apart.

Divorced a few years ago.

We do lots of things apart.We have totally equal marriage. We have an independent lives now with no jealousy or acting crazy like all the older couples I know with lots of baggage. Its just easy really, and has never felt like work to be together.

I met my partner when I was 34 & him 39, we're about to move in together 2 years later. Having dated all through my 20s & early 30s, I'd say it's harder to meet people when you're older, BUT when you're older you have more of an idea of the sort of person you'll get on with. When dating in my 30s, I was quicker to move on if I knew someone wasn't right for me. I know many people say having a "list of requirements" isn't very romantic, but it is important IMHO to make sure you & your partner are on the same page, and when you're older I think you're more confident in expressing your needs & wants.

I met my DH when I was 19, he was 20 - nearly 14 years ago now!

I think we were lucky in that the changes in our 20s complemented eachother and brought us closer together.

We were together 8 years before having DC and I do feel a long steady history really helped us through the tough times when we had a very poorly baby.

He would absolutely still be my partner of choice now, I love spending time with him and I love that our life together started at such a young age!

Married aged 25. It wouldn't have made a difference if I'd met him at 15 or 35. He is the one, always has been, 20 years on its still the best

Don't think it matters when you meet someone :) I know tons of people who's happily together 10-50 years after meeting around age of 16 (pretty normal where I live) - but also people who haven't found the right person until they're in their 30s. I do not personally know anyone who met their major other half after 30 though, but then I am only 25 :) Even thinking about being with someone other than my partner makes me want to weep! Hormonal ftw. We met at 21 / 24, and only 4 years in, it's passionate and we are very similar and different too, in a weird way. We argue alot but love alot too! :)

I met my DH when I was 18 and he was 19 (at university), and we have been together for 10 years, married for 3.

We aren't the same people we were when we met of course, but we have grown and changed together. Sometimes I look at him and I can't believe my luck, so I know I would want to be with him even if we had only met now.

I don't think there is a perfect time to meet someone, and I don't think there is just one right person out there, but I am very glad to have met and married my lovely DH when we were young.

I met dh when we were 19 and 20 at Unversity.Married after 6 years , first baby after 9, ds1 will be twenty this year so we have been together 29 years.

My life would have been totally different without meeting him , I had the whole high powered single woman career thing planned , but I don't have any regrets , we are both different people to then but I don't think either of us would be the people we are without each other IYSWIM . And in some ways to me he will always be the 20 year old that I fell for

He drives me bonkers sometimes and I'm sure I drive him mad too but we are a team I can't imagine life without him and I hope we'll be together in our old age .

I think you just meet the right person at the right time for you ,but I do think it must be harder in your 30s

DH and I met and married at identical stages to you and your DH.

We are also a marriage of opposites and both like our own space/doing our own thing. Luckily we both work and don't put restrictions on each other so it works in that respect most of the time.

We have had some rollercoaster times. I probably wouldn't end up with him if we met now and I'm not sure whether we'll end up old and grey together tbh - two years ago I didn't think we'd make it 'til now but we came through. Both sets of parents have similar relationships although his met very young and mine were in their mid-thirties so I guess we have then as role models.

I know a few couples who've met in their thirties and seemed like soul mates but a few years down the line real life starts to creep in. Not to say they are less compatible, just that it's not so much the romantic idyll it seemed to begin with.

You can't compare a 17 year relationship based on shared history and the ups and downs that go with it, to a new relationship with the all the dreams and hopes that are yet to be fulfilled - it's just a totally different thing IMHO.

I met DH when I was 20 and at uni. We have been together for 15 years. Yes, we have both changed over the years, but I don't think we have changed that much. Our relationship probably isn't as exciting as it was when we first met, but it works for us.

I have been quite surprised at how quickly friends of mine who met their partners in their mid 30s have moved in together and got engaged. The same friends who raised eyebrows at me moving in with DH after being together for 3 years as they thought I was rushing in

Really interesting posts. I guess you can't tell who's incredibly suited from those who are just in the early exciting throes of love.

Bit of the green eyed monster on my part I think. Spose id like some of that early relationship romance myself!!