Do you ever just get to a point where you really dislike your husband - and how do you get over it?!

[cfc]

Husband and I are struggling at the moment.

We do love each other, this much is absolutely true, but by God are we winding each other up at the moment.

Every little thing he is doing is pissing me off. And I daresay it's the same for him!

How can we get over this? We have three LOs so can't really take time away together without them. I don't actually want to at the moment tbh.

He's so busy with work and study and I am tired with the children. I've had a couple of nights away recently at a spa hotel, courtesy of DH and am beyond grateful for the time off. God knows I needed it.

I've told him to go to the same place for a golf weekend, but he never takes me up on these bona fide offers. He works so hard - I get it, I really do.

We do, in our more rational and lucid moments, really appreciate each other's efforts for the family. But at the moment we really do not like each other very much.

Any thoughts?

be grateful for what you do have? Hope that it will pass. I wish I were in your situation. My husband has cleared out my bank account, I'm dependent on food parcels to feed the kids, I have the Police at my door several times a week as husband keeps claiming I am murdering the kids. The only thing keeping me going is that I know there are people in the world who are suffering me than my family. So take stock of what you have. A husband. 3 children. An income. It's ok to dislike temporarily, that's what vows are far, for better or worse and just hope things will turn for the better.

Thanks for your reply. You sound like you are having an awful time, no family should have to go through that. I sincerely hope things turn for you very, very soon.

I don't like to make comparisons, as there's always always always someone worse off than the next person. I don't think that fact in any way makes one person's struggles any less valid.

I am grateful and I know it will pass. Usually when he's on a break from his studies. And you are so right, vows are exactly for these times. I was just wondering if anyone had any tools/techniques to get through these rut-like times. It's impacting on my time with the children, I have no patience. I feel so wrung out. I shouldn't feel like this, I've had a break recently. Anyway, mustn't complain when there's kids dying in Africa, eh?

For every down there will be an up!
That's what I tell myself during those times - and it is true. Sometimes I just don't like him - and I think he might feel the same way, then it passes and we're happy again...til the next time.

Hug it out.

Seriously. I know I sound like a born again hippy, but I just stop when I feel irritated and snappy and hug him (and vice versa).

We go through spates like this (usually stress related as well!) and it seems to be the only thing that works most of the time along with letting DH know that I'm feeling a bit snippy/snipped at, so that we can both think before we open our mouth and make things worse.

The other times, I find myself contemplating a new patio...

Can't remember who it was but I was recently reading a interview with a couple who had been married for years.
Asked if they had ever contemplated divorce the husband replied "numerous times, just luckily never both of us at the same time".

It made me think that's probably how most couples are. Sometimes I could seriously batter dh to death with a heavy object. He can't do anything right and I fantasise about a life without him. I'm sure he feels the same way about me. As long as deep down you know you still love him, you will pull through.

Yes. I first joined Mumsnet to vent because I felt my DH was unappreciative of my sacrifices (you can search the thread). I disliked him then. I got over by thinking about why he feels like he does and why I feel how I do. I could see the differences and realised he wasn't trying to be hurtful, it was just the way he is. Talking and trying to compromise are the best ways. But certain things will always be an issue, no relationship is perfect. Not that you should accept being unhappy, just talk and compromise.

For better for worse. As long as neither of you does anything that is a deal breaker and as long as you keep talking to each other, you'll get through this, and the next one and the next.

I often say that DH and I would not now be together if we weren't married, and I mean it, but underneath we do love each other and we'll get through.

You will too, I'm sure, if that's what you want.

I do know how you feel! DH and I really want another baby but can't seem get over our occasional animosity to each other to actually be intimate. Starting to think it might be something more problematic and that it's all going to end in tears with me as a single mum!

In a similar place too

First time in 8 years I've felt we're truly in the doldrums. It's hard and must be especially so with 3 children. You sound like you have a really solid relationship underneath it all.

I think you are right about hugging each other a lot Doris!

No advice but lots of understanding and hopefully this will pass..

I agree with Doris,have a hug arms round each other tight squeeze and in those moments you will feel your stress and dislike fade away. My favorite place in the world is in bed haveing a cuddle because that is all that matters at that moment. Sometimes it goes abit further and that also releaves stress too

I treat DH the way I treat dc when they are winding me up. Ignore the bad stuff and praise the good. Not sure how much it effects his or their behavior, but it helps me.