1st relationship after bereavement - does it ever work?

[Noordinarygirl]

My DPs ex died 4 years ago. I am the first since her. Still think he's not over her really and in total denial.

Anyone had similar experiences?

Me. (Though I broke up with him at the weekend and it hurts like hell.)Please PM me if you'd like to talk.

I have been with my dh for 18 years and was the first serious relationship after he was bereaved. The first few years weren't easy however, thankfully we got through it

One of my relatives has a very successful marriage after a bereavement and theirs was the first post bereavement relationship. They had both lost several immediate family members - though only one had lost their spouse. It was tricky for a while. There was a lot of talking though.

When someone you love has died, you don't "get over them" as such - you learn to live without them, but they will always be in your heart.

It doesn't mean, however that there is no room for anyone else in their heart.

It can be hard for the next partner of a bereaved person to not feel somehow "second best". I don't know if this is how you feel, or in what ways he demonstates the denial that you speak of.

From my own experience, I lost a man I loved very much many years ago and mourned for too many years. I tried to hold on to the relationship and didn't get married or have children because of it.

Finally met and married in my late forties. I love my DH but still love my dead partner. I couldn't choose one over the other. My DH knows this and is not jealous of my past love.

I was widowed in my 40's and remarried 4 years later. I know you are asking from the perspective of being the new partner. Even though we have a lovely relationship I know my second husband sometimes struggles with the fact at how much I loved another man who I still would have been with in different circumstances.
I don't think your dp will ever "get over" her completely, but I would ask the same question as bmw6. What do you mean by still being in denial? Depending upon your answer it may be feelings he will always have as a widower and something you may have to accept and be patient about if you want the relationship to continue.