How do I leave my DP? Tired and can't do it anymore

[ohsohappyatthemoment]

User name is funny because I can't remember the last time I was happy...

I have lived with DP for 17 years and we have two teenage DDs. I posted on here under another name about 12 months ago about my relationship and most advised that my DP was emotionally/ mentally abusive and I should leave him.

I knew deep down that you were all talking sense but I carried on. He has never actually hit me. Always being on my 'best behavior' trying not to upset him.

Tonight I order a takeaway instead of cooking and he flipped. He has trashed our bedroom.

I have to leave him. But how? We own our house (mortgage). I don't work due to redundancy last year. I haven;t got money to rent somewhere and couldn't anyway due to crappy crediting rating and we have a dog.

If DP left I couldn't afford the mortgage.I don't know where to start. I am terrified.

Sorry if that that rambles and doesn't make sense, can't think

Call women's aid for advice.

Yes call women's aid for advice.

You can get another job, even just a minimum wage job.

Do you have family you could go and stay with for a bit?

What about your teenage DDs? Are they still at home?

You can do this, and everything will work out in the end once you leave him.

Good luck.

You could sell the house and downsize.

If your DDs live with you he would have to pay maintainance.

You deserve to be happy.

There is always a way. You have to find out what you are/would be entitled to and what you could do.

Sit down with a piece of paper and put your "wish list" down, then see if it is achievable...
these sites would help with the financial details and give you an idea of what happens if you do decide to go:

MONEY

1. If you stay in your home and he leaves you are a single adult occupancy home, the council will reduce your council tax by 25% immediately. 2)go to entitledto.com and check any and all benefits to which you are entitled. or use Handy 5 Minute benefit check, tax and housing benefit calculators: www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/

LAWYER UP...when you are ready
Read everything you can get your hands on. Get familiar with the language of family law and procedure and try to get an understanding of your rights BEFORE you see a solicitor.
Legal Rights
www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/legal.php#children_relationship_breakdow

Many family lawyers will offer the first half hour consultation free. Make use of this. Don?t just stick with the first lawyer you find ? shop around and find someone you feel comfortable with. Seeing them does not commit you to using them or even to separating but it does give you the information to make a good choice.
You can search by area here:
www.resolution.org.uk/

DirectGov advice on divorce, separation and relationship breakdown:
www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Divorceseparationandrelationshipbreakdown/index.htm

Child Maintenance Calculator: www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

Support and information.www.gingerbread.org.uk/

I am sorry this has happened, i hope you will find your way through the mess, both emotional and practical and will be able to come out the other side ready for a new and better lif for you and your children

There are private rentals in the local newspapers, where you ring the landlord direct. So no credit check, but you would need a deposit.

I've privately rented for 6 years with 2 cats & a dog.

Good Luck OP

We live in a 2 up 2 down terrace that is in negative equity. So not much scope to downsize.

I know DP would have to pay maintenance but he is self employed and his earnings on paper are minimal. I'd get a couple of pounds a month at the most.

He has just left the house and I feel like I can breathe again.

I have to sort this.

Thanks for replies