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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I dead inside?

7 replies

Kernowgal · 11/08/2013 20:54

Ended relationship with abusive ex just over a year ago. We lived together at the time and he made life miserable with his nasty behaviour (EA, occasional PA).

A year on and I still have no interest whatsoever in finding a new relationship. I've had quite a bit of upheaval since (in a good way - new job, new location) but I have no urge whatsoever to meet anyone. Part of it is because I'm busy and have loads on with work, but I suppose part of it is because of him - I have got some of my confidence back and feel good about myself and how I look (despite his best efforts), but I just can't be arsed with attempting to find a relationship.

My mum keeps asking if I've met anyone nice, friends ask me the same thing, but my answer is simply that I can't be arsed. Is this because he was so bloody high maintenance and such hard work, it's tarnished my view of what relationships are like? He was my only long-term relationship so it has probably skewed my view somewhat.

Any ideas?

OP posts:
Liara · 11/08/2013 20:57

A year is not long at all! Be happy by yourself and you have a much better chance of actually having a good relationship one day, and if it doesn't happen, well, then you are happy anyway.

It sounds like you are doing great.

something2say · 11/08/2013 20:57

1). Take time out. There's more to life than men. If you aren't interested, you aren't interested. And that's fine.

2). No they are all not like him, and one day your heart will sing again. Until then, it's fine to enjoy life without a relationship in it, or at least one with a lover...

I had a bad burn years ago and said I would take time out, and I did, and I still look back on it as simple happy time. It feels like summer in my memory, and it was happy simple time with friends, and I couldn't have cared less where my phone was and all that angst. Now with a lovely partner with no worries or concerns like in the past.

Enjoy yourself! And the right man will come along.

HerrenaHarridan · 11/08/2013 20:58

Congratulations!

You sound like your doing great and are secure enough not to need a partner to validate your existence Smile

ModreB · 11/08/2013 21:00

You are not dead. You are re-grouping and recovering. 1 year on is not long, and with the other stuff going on you need to just relax without even thinking about another relationship.

Someone good will come along, probably when you least expect it Grin

MatchsticksForMyEyes · 11/08/2013 21:00

No advice, OP, but I could have written your post. I am 10mths out of an EA marriage. Just finished something with a friend that I would have loved to feel something real for, but I just don't feel like a relationship would benefit me in any way just now. I'm only 32 and in a way feel sad that I feel this way, but it would take meeting someone extraordinary for me to risk a relationship again I think.

Lizzabadger · 11/08/2013 21:08

It's fine. Enjoy your new job and have fun.

Original poster
Kernowgal · 11/08/2013 21:08

Thank you all, I feel reassured! I think my mum doesn't understand that women can be happy on their own, that they can function perfectly well outside a relationship. I also wonder if there's a bit of embarrassment that her daughter is yet again alone Hmm

OP posts:
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