too old to babysit now?

[southeastastra]

im i a real quandry (sp) with my mil at the mo. She has looked after my kids on a pt basis for 12 years and lately picks up my younger son (4) mon and tues.

The problem i have is that she is now getting older (80 this year omg!) and i don't know if it is all getting too much for her now. she is a very young 79, but has a really bad cough at the moment, which i am really worried about.

i really dont know what to do for the best at the moment. my dp thinks it is the only thing keeping her active and out an about. advice appreciated.

one last try!

Ohh God I dread the day my parents get too old to help.
Can yopu just ask her she feels about helping you still. Will she tell you the truth if it is too much for her.
What else could you do, is there anyone else around to help?

Cut down her hours but your dp is probably right about it keeping her vital. Amazing to think of a 79 yr old able and wanting to look after a 4yr old

My MIL is 76, but you'd never think so. But my Mum is 61 and seems an awful lot older. MIL looks after some of her other grandchildren alot no probs (we are far away, so she's never had ours). But I know my Mum wouldn't cope with ds1 and ds2, prob not even with ds1, for too long. She had him a bit while I had ds2 but was knackered. i think its about your gut feeling, not anyone's actual age.

May be you could have word with her,make sure she knows that it is ok if she is not able to pick your son up. But maybe like dp says it keeps her active.
The only way you'll ever know is to ask her.

I do ask her, all the time, she says its fine and she like to do it, i can see her doing it even if she isn't feeling up to it though, just to be thought of as useful! i really do not know what to do..

If she says she's fine then other than telling her to stop I would let her.
If she has a cough why not get together somethings she likes (flowers,butter cup cough medicine,lavender,soap etc) and give them to her just to say you appricate all she does.

I think it's a hard one. Is there any way you could perhaps get someone else to help her with the pick up/drop offs so maybe she only does one end?

There is a granny at our school who imo, is completely over-used. The mum and dad have both told me how she loves doing it but I saw her on the way back from school with 2 kids + a toddler in a pushchair and she had to sit down every bench (so say every 25m or so) just to have a rest . I think she finds it all too much but doesn't want to let them down. She has openly complained to me (and I have helped her out where I can) but she doesn't want to say anything to them as she is a widower and feels this is her only 'use'! It's awful really.

she walks to the school for the two days and gets a lift back.

foxinsocks this is the dilema im facing, she is alone, my dp is her only child and she wouldn't say anything even if she were totally fed up with it. it's really hard to figure out what to do for the best.

if i got someone else to pick him up, i feel she would take it personally

I think she would probably feel worse if she couldn't do it - I don't know what the solution is really - is there an after school club he could go to on one of the days? could you then say that he really wanted to go to the club but he still wants to see granny on the other day?

I don't think it is age so much as her health that would worry me (or not).
I think you should discuss it with her and get her POV. And maybe see if she would like ot scale down?

i still wouldn't be back in time to pick him up from a/s club. i will have a heart to heart with her - the other option i suppose is change my job to school hours.

i bet the other mums think im a cow using her to babysit, she is such a headstrong lady, i feel so sad that she cannot do as much as she wants to

I bet they don't think you are a cow. I don't think this of the other couple I mentioned (I do think how lucky they are to have family help though!).

At some point, and it may not be now, you'll have to deal with the possibility that her health may fail her anyway so perhaps it's not such a bad thing to put some plans in place.

yes you're right, it's so sad, thanks.

I think your mother in law would miss the contact with your children .I was in a simular position my aunt use to always care for my children when they were little but when they all started school she missed helping out as much and she became quite depressed and let her self go a bit.My aunt had a heart of gold and loved helping any one.Let your MIL help as its probaly keeping her young.You will be able to tell if she is not happy as she will not seem her self.Make the most of her help as its good memorys for your children as well.Good luck.

Hi

My mil is 80 too and is amazing. She works 1.5 days at her 'local' hospital (15 mile drive for her to work!) on the front desk doing admissions in the maternity unit. She turns out in any weather and seems to keep the place running!

This is just to echo what others have said, therefore. 80 in itself is not too old, and may be keeping her active, but you are right to keep an eye on her and to make contingency plans.

If you do feel that she is ill or struggling, particularly as winter comes on, then it would be good if you could step in and take over for a week or two, to take the strain off her. Could you think about collecting the kids and her too, asking if she would like to join you all for tea on the days that she usually collects your ds?

Good luck. She sounds like a brill MIL