Sexting OM early in relationship

[ofmiceandmen]

Ok this is rather daft - but we've been together for 6 months and have just uncovered that she was Sexting another chap in the first 2 months of the relationship. Around about the time I came for your advice as I had that 'gut' feeling something was off- and was still to meet any of her friends at the time.
She says it's because she was afraid of commitment as we went exclusive within the first month.
So is it ok because it was early on or is this another EA by default.
She's been near perfect since then... was that justified early nerves.
Still haven't met any of her friends (single mums etc) - I feel like a teenager - lost/ bewildered/stumped. Never thought she could do something like this.
She really wants to commit now?!
Daft I know
Details
Me- 37- 2 DS's under 3 1/2 that she has met
DP - 31- DD 5 that I have not met.
give me a good old slap please

Basically if you can't trust her after this (and I wouldn't) then there is no point to your relationship.

If they don't make you feel happy, secure and important to them where you trust them to treat you right then whats the point. I couldn't be bothered to be with someone ever again who treated me like a dick and where all we did was argue over trust issues.

If you can trust her and you feel happy then carry on, if not it's only 6 months in get out while you can.

PS- I feel like anything built thus far (embryonic i know) and any future will be built on a lie.

Yes Schmaltz even uncovered a dual sextext.
i.e. she had us on at the same time.
She had been intimate with him weeks before we met.

Perhaps she was hedging her bets.. but the point of the exclusivity was to give us time to discover each other without external scrambling for position and one up men ship. It was to be reviewed monthly.

I'm with Dragons. If you can put it behind you on the basis that you both agreed you weren't exclusive at that point then making a big thing of it now is unfair.

However, if already the trust has gone for you...

wilkos we were exclusive at the time

Schmaltz having been due diligence I checked if there was anyone else, any unfinished business or interests. And even at the time I asked as it felt 'distant' for a 'honeymoon' phase.

Were you single when she was sexting you?

having done* due dilligence

Fairenuff we dated then eventually went exclusive. We were both single at the time. and this apparently carried on even after we became exclusive.

If you agreed to be exclusive and then she carried on texting, yes, it was cheating ie breaking the agreed rules.

However, it was very early on and if it's stopped and you trust her there's no reason why you shouldn't be ok together.

It all sounds immature though. Do people really do sexting in their 30's when they are looking to settle down into a serious relationship?

Fairenuff I agree- apparently OM is 26
and I only started Sexting when we were exclusive and had started making the first steps to intimacy (maybe that's where I got it wrong).

I went into it thinking - seeing ling term but also keen to keep it enjoyable as did she (obviously not).

If you don't like it, just end it.

It would annoy me to be honest. If trust is an issue within a few weeks then not worth it in my opinion.

Maybe wait a bit longer before introducing to kids next time too.

Yeah it should all be fun at this stage. Not a good start really.

Listen to your gut,

Why haven't you met her DD if she's met your DSs?

Schmaltz no haven't met her friends,

We agreed to wait to meet her DD after I got Mn advise about waiting, apparently it could have been red as my red flag if I pushed it. Which I actually agreed with.

She met my DS's probably because if she hasn't we would never had had any time together (I was a single dad, now I'm the once every 2 weekends dad)

Posting has allowed me to read back and see it for what it is.
Sure I was played at the beginning and I realise all the tears when I questioned what was wrong or why it didn't feel right where pretty good acting and crocodile tears.

I also think my 'near perfect' remark was me fooling myself again. She's a great person in many ways but she can and will lie obviously without flinching.

She now has form and I suspect it's been minimised. He's a work colleague so I guess there will be work parties or functions where they'll have opportunity. So I guess it's day to day until I know for certain if its genuine or the fact that I caught her.

I'll have to protect my DS's though. Bugger really as they do love her (ex struggling MIL looking after DS's due in court to appeal)
Yes I made the mistake of slowly building a future with her. Lesson learnt. But how do you compartmentalise your life for a year or more? And date for fun without planning - I'm not a kid anymore and have responsibilities. FFS hate this dating malarkey!!!

Hopefully she comes good. But I've got to be ready that she won't. Shrugs

Good relationships don't start like this. This is how bad ones end.

Never ever have a relationship with someone who will lie to you so brazenly and convincingly - or at all.
Ever.

I feel as well that she was doing it for 2 months .... That's a long time ! A week or two crossover but 2 months ( if I read correctly?) ......

I'm sure she was hedging her bets but think it shows disrespect to you after that much time.