I'm so confused and upset with how my husband has been treating me.

[Bluesunnysky]

I have been on and off MN for years but needed some impartial advice as I have no one to talk to, so I decided to come back

My husband and I are at odds right now, we have been together for 15 years and married almost 10 of those.
We never argue, we bicker very occasionally but generally just get on with it. The last few months DH has had a lot of problems at work and is very unhappy there. I am looking for work now that our youngest is starting school full time this September. I have been looking for work, anything and everything, since the new year and had just one interview
I know that DH is frustrated that I seem unable to find any kind of work. He doesn't say but I can tell.
He wants to leave his job and is currently looking for alternative work also.

He seems to be picking fights with me, having sly digs at me and generally being awful towards me.
We had words yesterday but the kids were there so I left it as I did not want to have words/argue etc in front of them.

Since then he has been the model DH kind, attentive and actually nice to me which makes a huge change from the last few months. I however cannot seem to pull myself out of this 'funk' I have gotten into since yesterday. I can't appreciate his efforts, I actually think I don't want to appreciate them. I don't want to be around him, spend time with him or even talk to him. I do normally get like this, as childish as it is (I know), but after a couple if hours and maybe a trip to the gym and I've gotten over it. I can't seem to this time.

I really am sick of him blaming me for everything, and for having digs at me and bickering with me. We used to talk things out I am unable to talk to him now as anything I say is, in his own words, my fault.

I know he hates his job, I know he is not happy there, I am doing everything I know to find work. I'm taking two late night courses to get an IT and Maths qualification to make me more employable. I have registered with several job agencies and have applied for so many jobs I have lost count. Not just specific jobs but anything from cleaning and fast food to factory, retail and office. Literally anything DH seems to think that I should be able to walk into a job tomorrow

I am avoiding him, right now I could happily take the DDs and walk away from him.

I think I have changed so much that I can no longer overlook the way he is with me.

I need a bit of advice, I have no one to talk to, no friends, my family are just awful and I have finally started to get them out if my life. I get on really well with MIL but I don't want to talk to her about her son like that its not fair on her.
The friends I do have live away and are having a tough time with things themselves.

Apologies for spelling and grammar mistakes I am on my phone!

The job market is not at all good at the moment (a little depending where you are in the country), but in general, it's pretty shit. So definitely don't take it personally if you're not getting very far.

Hmm sounds like your DH is in a bit of a rut with re: to the whole blaming thing. I'm not sure I agree with instigating an argument; I always find there is more power in saying things very assertively whilst in control of your emotions..but I don't know your DH. I agree with Wordybird; do challenge him.

I think he should have a lot bit more respect for you tbh and be supportive with your job hunting and other things. Sounds like there's a lot of resentment there, similar to my relationship with XP.
Things changed a lot though when I changed how I reacted to him, kind of strong indifference (not putting up with any more crap) and when I started to be happy and just get on with things

If you can arrange childcare then time together sounds like it might help too.

Agree 100% with capital.
Have been having many issues with dh of late, and have found that asserting myself calmly helps most. I also hate and avoid confrontation, get all emotional and weepy. BUT have also realized that I don't like me or others demeaning me, including dh.
I've started gym to take care of myself and started taking driving lessons to feel more appreciative of myself and in control. My attitude to snidey remarks has changed a lot. I remain calm and see them for what they are, comments from somebody who doesn't feel good about themselves and is projecting onto you.
Dh might actually work "there's nothing wrong with you" into a seemingly loving conversation, but I realize now he's actually trying to make me think it. I then answer, I know there's nothing wrong with me, etc...
Sometimes there are situations where you're dealing with your own problems (like finding work) and having to work through your dp's anxieties at the same time.
Try my present routine if you feel like it: no blaming of you, dp must acknowledge your input, efforts etc. and actually show appreciation, you don't leave any unkind words uncommented (calmly and objectively, you might want to prepare your replies), in short you won't stand for any behaviour that is less than loving (I did manage to get one on one time with dh to tell him this).
Take care of yourself first, you will be a stronger mum too.

It's tough out there & as you have been at home for a while it's going to be tougher. To show employers that you are keen to update your skills it might be worth going back to college in Sept. You don't know how long the job search will take so you could be gaining a qualification & confidence at the same time.

It would be useful to seek advice from a careers person so you can get tips on completing application forms, C.V's and interview skills.

My workplace uses Brook Street for temps (online & nationwide) as they supply temps to many sectors including NHS & education. It's worth signing up & doing some short term contracts to see where your interests lie. The problem with applying for everything is that your application will lack focus & employers are quick to notice that. You need to offer them something that nobody else has. Updating your I.T. Skills is the quickest way to do this.

Good luck