Between a rock and a hard place

[Threeandjustme]

I am still raw and shocked after H left three weeks ago with no discussion or realistic explanation.
He visits for 1.5 hours and reads to children week days (half hour per child)
Then takes them out 3 -4 hours on Sunday (church and lunch at café).
I am not being difficult about this and prefer him visiting to taking them away.
I am uncomfortable with them being with him and like having them with me but resent the fact he sleeps in 7 days a week (work starts after 9am) and has 1.5 days entirely to himself a week and other than play with or entertain them does no child care or parenting.
I have to prepare them for outings otherwise they would suffer. (sunburn, be cold or wet etc)
No, he doesn't look after himself either but I draw the line there.
If I forced him to spend more time with them and have them at his residence I would feel just as bad if not worse so status quo it must be.
Ramble ramble ramble................

It is hard to let them go a little... But as you say you do need some time for yourself. If you continue this pattern it can go on and on and is not healthy.
Do you hope his coming to the house will make him realise what he's lost and return?? ( I only ask as I did!)
Yes it's nice for the children to have him ' home' but may also mean they are unable to process your Separation too.

Perhaps suggest he has them for a sleepover at his one night over the school holidays then take it from there.

Oh I also have to ensure they are prepared for sun/ rain etc but then I did when we were together as ex
is totally oblivious to everyone but himself

I am being selfish not insisting on them staying over as it would cause me distress.
He does not really want them to as would mean not being able to do what he wants to. Sleep in, play on computer. Reason he left I think.
Children have visited his place and him not being here is actually easier in regard to work level.
But it is lonely and my future is shattered.
I don't want the selfish, self centered man who left back but would consider it if he got intensive counselling and addressed his issues. We would need counselling together too.

I know it is a shock, it's very raw and you are reeling. But you must allow and encourage him to have the children at his place. You need his contact to be elsewhere in order to maintain your equilibrium, the children need proper time with their father and he needs to step up to the plate and learn to take care of them without you micro managing.