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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

V confused game playing??

9 replies

NotDead · 11/08/2013 09:45

Hello,

Seeking some advice. I have been seeing someone for about 3weeks. when we met the connection was very strong and tbh I immediately thought about a ling relationship. . I think we both did.

Anyway I was out of work when we met and still am. I hate this as it means its difficult to relax or do anything too datey. We have, though, had by far the best times cooking together or just walking around together.

I had an opportunity to go to a city and stay at a friend's I have made it a mission to look for work. She came with me first night, bought me food for a week (bit patronising oerhaps but she did eat a good chunk in two days!)

I guess I had tp get over my pride a bit over that.

Anyway last time we saw each other I was pissed off about looking for work. Had cold responses from agencies and nothing back even when offering to work f oh r nearly nothing. It also brought up feelings of unfairness and injustice as well as me feeling humiliated that I have so little possibility if startibg a family if I can't get a reasonable job.

She was good about it, but kept telling me she 'finds me difficult to help' but I only really wanted to let off steam and have a sympathetic ear. As she kept interrupting with suggestions we ended up talking about nearly nothing else.. but did get back to being nice to each other.

Anyway she was due to come and see me this weekend and do free things..which would have been great, but shd calked and said she had things to do that meant she couldn't. Then she called me to say she was sad because we won't see each other. We hadn't decided not to see each other..she had.

So I said that I did want to see her.. but if she was going to decide that we weren't going to see each other I couldn't do anything about it

Anyway then I got a long conversation on saturday night about how bad she was feeling etc etc. I had intended to go out, and did.

Anyway I have read this as her doing a dramatic /jealousy inducing thing of 'you know I said we were meeting at the weekend well I am doing something 'else' ( as further background she did say that when she meets guys even if she finds them dull she normally sleeps with them). I don't think I had the reaction she wanted because I was like 'ok' (again there is nothing I can do if she wants to be like that)

I wonder if I am right to feel that the Saturday night call was a 'I will make you feel miserable before you go out' call.. it sort of worked.. what do you think??

OP posts:
bigbuttons · 11/08/2013 09:48

Don't see her again.

extracrunchy · 11/08/2013 09:51

Sounds like 3 weeks in it's become pretty hard work. She probably wanted to see fun you but isn't ready to take on your employment issues. Frankly, at 3 weeks you should still be having fun!

NotDead · 11/08/2013 10:05

I know :( trouble is that the more we talked. . the more we trusted and the more we trusted the more honest I was. . its very confusing as we feel 100% comfortable with each other.. I feel like we have been seeing each other for about 6 months..

OP posts:
NotDead · 11/08/2013 10:08

Also I really didn't want her to help or get involved- I had to exolain why I wasn't able to do the cool things I obviously would enjoy doing with her so I had to tell her something. . I suppose I have been 'well if we are going to see each other properly she is going to see me less than perfect' but I take the point. Why then do you yhink she didn't want to do the free stuff day?

OP posts:
kalidanger · 11/08/2013 10:09

felt 100% comfortable Sad

Sounds like she's just not that into you Thanks

NotDead · 11/08/2013 12:19

thanks for the 'solutions' but I was really hoping fir an insight into whether I am reading this correctly or not. She is sending me messages that sound like she thinks I am being unreasomable but I haven't done anything apart from accept what she said..

Its odd in some ways because the last thing I had with someone she also got freaked and ended it abruptly... she later said it was bacause she was getting really into me. I hate to say it but women can be v weird to date...

OP posts:
meditrina · 11/08/2013 12:46

People, not just women, are difficult to date!

There's a whole series of long threads about the weirdnesses of being 'out there' dating - perhaps you might want to join in?

It's only been 3 weeks. The "strong connection" might be just an illusion. If she's finding it hard work, then perhaps it's simply not the good match you thought it was, and the purpose of dating is to find out if you are both keen and test the assumption in a variety of circumstances. It doesn't mean there's anything 'wrong' with you if a prospective new partner backs away. Huge disappointment, of course, but not a reflection on you or your circumstances. Pick yourself up, keep at the job hunt and hope for the best. Good luck.

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 11/08/2013 20:05

That feeling like you have been together for 6 months? The 100% comfortable feeling? It's false. It's a construction of your own desire to have a relationship and you have imposed your template over this person who you really do not know. Sorry, but after 3 weeks it's impossible to know a person well enough to rely on anything about them.

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 11/08/2013 20:06

If you have had similar experiences before, maybe you are coming on too strong. That can be flattering at first but quickly becomes suffocating.

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