Would you allow your boyfriend out with a self-confessed nymphomaniac?

[12345Floris]

My boyfriend gave a lift to the next town
to a woman who'd had conversations with him about her sexual preferences and availability, at a previous social event they'd attended together with his male friend.
They are Facebook friends but don't socialise together on their own.

She turned up at his house for a lift to the social occasion all three were attending. She could easily have driven there herself. His male friend gave her my boyfriend's address. My boyfriend must have agreed she could have it.

My boyfriend also brought her back.

Their mutual friend is a married man who has numerous affairs.
She is 26, my boyfriend and his friend and myself are mid-40s.

I have had a fit of jealousy over it, mainly because he didn't volunteer any of this. As far as I knew, he was going out with his male friend to a social event. Not tagging along with, as he romantically calls it, a nymphomaniac. He presented her from the point of view of being 'odd', 'candid', 'immature' and I felt was trying to extract a degree of sympathy from me for the terrible plight she suffered as a self confessed ... well, there's a word for that behaviour, and I can't think of a polite alternative :/

She's a race track promo girl. Not as far as I know the dolly birds with umbrellas (although she looks like one) but some kind of staff.

How should I have handled this?

In my opinion; It is not my place to 'allow' my adult partner to do X or Y.

It IS my decision whether I wish to be in a relationship with a man who does X or Y.

I would approach this situation form this perspective

Yes, but is this acceptable behaviour, or is it indiscreet of my boyfriend?

ie, is my jealousy irrational?

I think the nympho's behaviour is irrelevant. What is important is how your boyfriend behaved, and if he's given you cause for concern in the past - ie does he have 'form'.

If he's always been trustworthy then yes, your jealousy is irrational and you need to work on that. If he's a bit of a player then you need to think about whether you want to be with someone who's always going to have you second-guessing their behaviour.

I think both you and your boyfriend are being really insulting about a woman that hasn't done anything to you.
do you have any other reason to feel jealous??

I certainly wouldn't be happy about it, especially when he has been deliberately evasive. All very dodgy IMO. Get rid?

Branleuse

It isn't normal behaviour is it,for a 26 year old to sit round a table and declare to anyone listening she sleeps around a lot amd that she's up for it anytime.

I haven't insulted her, she's offered that information up herself :/

It sounds like you and your husband both find her distasteful and a bit weird, possibly funny. That's all perfectly fine. And being jealous of a younger and attractive woman is also fine. But your DH hasn't done anything wrong, so don't make him the bad guy here. Be vigilant if you don't trust him - but it's neither here nor there how stunning and sexy he is if he's your faithful DH - these women exist and most men find them funny and exciting in equal measure, but only a man who is a twat would cheat on his wife - unless your Dh is a twat then continue laughing together.

People have different ways of behaviour and what they consider "appropriate" conversation. Just because she likes having a good time, doesn't mean she hasn't got the limit to not sleep with a taken man. Besides, she's 26. I'm 25 and would rather not sleep with a 40 year old, not being rude, but it's abit too old! :P

Well that's her choice and nothing to do with you

Yes I would "let" my boyfriend out of my sight with a woman who liked to discuss her sexual preferences and announce that she was up for it. Because I know he wouldn't be the slightest bit interested and would reject any advance she made on him, however "nympho" she was.

To be honest I'd be more concerned about my bf being close friends with "a married man who has lots of affairs".

Presumably he's "cover" for this man when they go out together?

I'd wonder what your bf thinks of his friends behaviour and whether he thinks its acceptable?

Perhaps there is a mismatch in your values which is why you feel uneasy about his behaviour?

Yes, I am concerned about my boyfriend's married male friend, but again, my boyfriend has such a reasonable sounding way of explaining his adulterous behaviour I then feel bad for thinking badly about him. 'His wife is horrible to him' along those lines.

Yes, my boyfriend is very clearly a cover for him, but he doesn't seem to be concerned about being used in this manner.

No, I think I share the same good values as my boyfriend, but they do contradict with his having a friend who's an adulterous liar and user!

I can seemso far the general consensus here sways towards my being wrong in my attitude, so it looks like I'll be owing him a big apology.

Nope. I wouldn't like it, because of the way he's handled it. From your OP I got the impression that was more what you were bothered about then the female herself?

I think you have concerns re your boyfriend and this has just bought it all to a head. Being the 'cover guy' for his male friend insinuates he doesn't rate honesty very highly, so then putting himself in the situation you described and coupled to that not being honest about it... I'd get out before it gets more complicated tbh.

And I DEFINATLY wouldn't be appologising!

I don't think that him going for a night with a self-confessed whatever is the issue, more the fact he didn't tell you about it.

The problem isn't with the nymphomanic. The problem is that you don't trust your boyfriend.

"my boyfriend has such a reasonable sounding way of explaining his adulterous behaviour I then feel bad for thinking badly about him. 'His wife is horrible to him' along those lines."

Either your boyf is as gullible as the women the married friend sleeps with believing the old line about the wife treating him badly, or he really thinks that affairs are acceptable in some circumstances/ that women 'drive men to it'. If it's the first, OK, gullibility's not a crime. If it's the second, run for the hills...

Hmm, hanging out with a supposed 'Nympho' and covering for a multiple cheat, is your man one of the imbetweeners. The source of your angst is not the company your boyfriend keeps but the company you keep. He's in his 40s FFS, this is who he is, you are not on the same page.

Oh and here's a for demonising a woman whom you haven't met, based on the words from a man who thinks that a "horrible wife" is an excuse to sleep around.

Your boyfriend sounds charming. He has a disgusting attitude towards women, displayed by the way he described the 26 year old, and the excuses and apologies he comes up with/believes, to justify his friends cheating.

Yeah, that's a real catch you've got there.

I am friends with more than one woman who talks openly about sex and are either teased about being 'nymphos' or do it themselves. I'm not phased by that nor do I try to sleep with them or do they try to sleep with me. its like drinking with a builder... you don't expect him/her to start building or demolishing things in the pub ffs.

Agree with WhoNickedMyName 100%. You all sound a bit thick and unpleasant

I second hatpin, If I found out my DP hung around regularly with a multiple cheat I would be very suspect, and assume he did the same on nights out.

Although I think you're getting an unfair press, I don't think its anything to do with jealously , If someone say down infront of my DP, knowing full well they are attached and talk in great detail about sexual prefrences,relations ....I would not be happy..like you said OP there's no polite way to describe someone who behaves like that.