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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flummoxed by friends lost social mojo

5 replies

farthingwood · 07/08/2013 19:35

I go through phases of bringing them close to me and kind of end up a bit introverted and bumbling along without them, loosing confidence to invite them round.

As my village sometimes has the dynamics of a playground albeit a playground of nice people, there's no negativity or anything but the small village has lots of gatherings and bbqs it makes me reflect that I am the odd one out, I am not able to keep a friendship burning, I either see too much of people or none at all. It's awkward because everyone round here has kids and I don't so if I want to see people I have to arrange it and at the moment I feel vulnerable if I do this.

My way of being in groups is to be kind of witty/crude or too deep getting stuck in long serious conversations instead of just having a laugh (defence mechanism)

I've kind of lost my social mojo. :(

I did go through a stage of not being like this at all, brimming with confidence and feeling that I am worth sharing myself andpeople would enjoy being around me just for me but now I feel like everyone in the village has been good friends for many years and I feel disconnected from people.

Even when I'm around these people who are very welcoming, kind and lovely I feel guilty for suddenly blowing cold with them, I dont know how to manage living in such a sociable place hmm.

I had a massive bbq for my birthday in my back yard and was so insecure about it that I had a shit time I think people were bored, I didn't organise the food properly because I tried to do it all on my own without asking for help.

I hate being this awkward person, I didn't used to be I just want myself back :(

OP posts:
LadyBigtoes · 07/08/2013 19:53

I find my "social mojo" definitely waxes and wanes. I can like you say feel really confident and outgoing, and make my social life very busy, then other times I can really feel awkward and introverted for months at a time. So it will probably come back.

I often make the excuse that I haven't seen someone for ages because I'm so busy and knackered, and it's usually true. I think most people understand that.

I also have a terrible time if I throw or host a big do. I just worry myself to bits and feel so responsible. It doesn't come naturally to everyone.

Can you try something small-scale like asking one, low-key friend for a coffee or to the cinema? (only if you want to of course!)

knocknock · 07/08/2013 22:34

Farthing your friends are propobly accepting you the way you are so you shouldn't worry about it

farthingwood · 08/08/2013 08:12

Thanks, just wish I could feel more regular, I don't like these fluctuations.
I am on a summer break from uni and am at a loose end, not getting much work or anything so wake up a bit listless which means I feel I dont have much to offer to friends.

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alwaysinamuckingfuddle · 08/08/2013 08:32

Same problem here.

I'm in a lull at the moment. Quite a few of my friendships seem to have fizzled out. Not too sure what I have said or done but I am feeling very paranoid about it all.

farthingwood · 08/08/2013 08:39

I suppose the wise side of myself knows that I just need to concentrate on myself at the moment, ask myself what do I want, what do I need?
It's none of my business what others think of me.

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