Racist MIL

[zoningout]

Advice for me as I have this 'd' MIL coming to stay for a few days in September...

How do you handle people like this? I have bitten my tongue more times than I care to remember.

I won't go into detail but suffice to say that her comments are embarassing, ignorant and insulting to those around me. Even her DS is appalled.

I would love to put my foot down and say something...

Be out as much as possible?

That type of behaviour is totally unacceptable but remember you can't teach an old dog new tricks and stay out of the way if she's p'ing you off!

It's a very tough one. Could you look all and say 'gosh MIL I haven't heard anyone say anything like that for a very long time!'

My MIL is possibily similar - she keeps on saying 'dark people' instead of 'black people'. DP and I try to model appropiate language usage which lets her know that she's said something inappropriate and gives her a chance to avoid repeating it.

e.g
MIL: there's a lot of dark people living round here, isn't there?
Us: We do have a few black neighbours,yes MIL

I'm not convinced she will ever get it though - makes me really

I have the same problem. Took the in laws out for a Chinese meal, FIL asked if he could have "flish and chips" in some stupid accent. Absolutely mortified. :(

Really depends zoning on whether or not it is directed to you personally or to the wider world.

If the former- then you really do need to establish your opinion early on and indicate your red lines as and when they are crossed, not in a confrontational way, but in a determined 'I won't tolerate that' way.

If the latter- the same applies, but ultimately your DP needs to decide where he stands on it. This is not a battle for a non family member to even have to deal with.

This needs to be discussed between them prior to her arriving he needs to have a "Hi Mum - I'm really concerned that what you say is going to affect our DC" and be prepared to act should she cross the line.
ground rules must always be set with visitors to avoid any issues. same goes for MIL's.

@lottapianos - i dont see any difference between using dark people and black people. also what does model appropriate language useage mean?

Weall OMG! What kind of accent? I would have hissed "Stop it!" at him I think.

I have a similar problem. At the hospital my MIL refers to the Asian doctors as having 'a funny accent'. She makes comments about hoping that the unused building behind her house does not get replaced with 'a mosque' and naff comments about 'taking of our jobs etc'. Discrimination really grates on me (no matter who that is towards) and I feel I have to say something and do subtly at the moment. I have raised it with my DP and he tells me that he will have a more direct word with her soon. It does matter when you children can hear this and also it needs addressing with them without making MIL seem like a witch. Good Luck

I was so shocked I didn't do or say anything. So embarrassed.