My mother has turned in to a wicked step mum. Bit long

[WishingForaMulberryBag]

I went out with my sister last night and she shared with me that my mums partner revealed to her while helping with an errand that my mother has apparently transformed into a wicked step mum. I am rather shocked, surprised and upset at her behaviour and I feel the need to say something.

I am 28 my Dsis is 25 our parents split when I was 13 and my Dsis 9 after a couple of years my father found a new partner who had no children. She was dreadful and from around the age of 17 I had limited contact with my father mainly because of her behaviour and attitude this lessened and for the age of about 21 the only contact I had with my father was the attendance of my Grandmothers funeral 5 years ago. My Dsis and her relationship with our father has followed a similar path and neither of us have contact with him now. Our mother knows what went on during the course of the problems and is aware of our feelings on the matter which is why a am shocked to hear of her wicked step motherness.

We have another sister who is 10 years old from my mothers relationship after my father,which ended when my youngest sister was about 2. Her current partner who she has been together with for nearing 6 years has a Son who has just turned 17.

Her partners Son used to visit Thurs eve to sat afternoon every week over the years this has slowly reduced to the point where he now hardly goes at all, I have seen him 2 times in the last 14 months. I knew part of it was he had found a job on a weekend so dropped a friday night as it was an early start and his mother lives in another town about 30 mins away. I knew that him and my mum didn't really get on she used to get angry that he was always playing on the computer or how he sat on the sofa or how much food he consumed.

My mums partner was helping my sister out and said i think maybe after an argument about the situation that mum only speaks to his Son if it is to say something negative to him/swear at him that his Son no longer wants to come around as he hates my mums attitude towards him. Apparently on his last visit he plugged in his phone charger to charge his phone and when my mum saw she pulled it from the wall, chucked it and the phone on the sofa next to him and started swearing and shouting about him using her electricity. Obviously mums partner contributes financially to the household and my sister lives there full time, using electricity without complaint from her partner and he did comment that he was contemplating leaving.

I understand my mum doesn't like her partners ex for some unknown reason but thats not the Sons fault. We are also mainly a family of girls (until I had my son 7 years ago) and she does make the odd comment about not getting boys but thought it was just in jest really as we have a lots of girls in the family so maybe could have something to do with this, which is now worrying me as my son gets older.

I can't understand how or why she would be like this lad, I have never found him to be rude or behave in unacceptable ways, he has a job, studying at sixth form and getting good grades wanting to go to uni in London next year. Mums partner would help any of us out and does DIY things for my Dsis (who has 2 young girls, who he is great with) and would help me out if I needed anything (or if either of my 3 kids needed anything) and he lives with my 10 year old sister who he treats like his own child so I am shocked at her behaviour.

I feel I need to speak about this with my mum but I don't know how to do it with out making it worse, any thing you can advise me would be great help to me.

Do you have the kind of relationship with your step-dad (who sounds lovely btw) that you could ask him how things are going between his son and your mum - say you've noticed that he spends less time there and wondered if everything was ok? It may be that your mum is a 'difficult woman' but at the moment you only have your sister's report to go on.

Has your mum got a drink dependency or something it all sounds a bit mood swingy?
To be behaving in this manner your mother must be suffering greatly and very unhappy with her lot, what's the resentment about? does she have her own life and interests, does she feel a sense of low self esteem perhaps threatened by the mother of her partners child, is it jealousy that's eaten away at her is that the reason she dislikes the lads mother?
I think if you do approach her do so compassionately because to be behaving in this way she is clearly a bit down overall.
Her partner sounds like a good person, able to communicate, has he been allowing her to disrespect his son for all of these years because that's not healthy behaviour from him either?
If your mum's feeling pissed off and resentful that she is paying for his child to eat loads and hang around playing video games she needs to take it up with your step dad, not take it out on the boy. Unless she feels she wont be heard my her partner after years of trying.
Step families are very difficult at times but if they can iron this one out between the they will be stronger and happier for it. I wish you luck with broaching this delicate issue.