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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Cannot find reasons to stay in this town/house anymore!

5 replies

Tiggs2 · 07/08/2013 11:50

Morning everyone, I am looking for some opinions or advice please with regard to my home life.
Our family has lived in this house for 25 years now, the town centre is a mile away, and we are situated quite well for travelling, with a couple of motorways just a few miles away.

The main reason for my writing today is that I have come to hate living here in this town, and dread it every week when we have to go shopping. I have never been overly found of this town, and am by no means a snob, but the town is full of undesirables now, young mothers shouting the most terrible swear words at young children, drunks, layabouts, thieves etc etc. The town itself has become filthy with more and more shops closing down and its looking more scruffy everyday. I know this is a sign of the times, and many other towns are affected, but I am struggling within myself to find a positive reason to stay here.

A couple of months ago I was subject to a nasty verbal attack, whilst shopping in the local supermarket of all places! We had only called in there for a few bits and my husband unknowingly got in the way of a young couple, who then decided to make fun behind his back and pull nasty faces like he was a piece of S""T.

They didn't realise that I was with him and was watching everything they were doing, so had quite a shock when I remarked that it was out of order and very rude! The next thing I knew, the girl, ( who was wearing pjs, furry boots and held a mug of tea in hand), launched a foul mouthed attack at me, including offering to give me a hiding and slap me down!! Horrid names were shouted at me in front of all the other shoppers, and she continued this all over the store.
Enough was enough, and I finally put an end to it by marching up to and offering her the chance to take the first swing at me and then I informed her that I would knock her out!
I would of aswell as I was so angry that night, and though I haven't had a scrap since school days, I can look after myself if needs be.
I'm a 45 year old woman, who doesn't go round brawling or looking for fights, and I felt ashamed that people were looking at me in that situation, though I didn't shout back and certainly didn't use the bad language or names.

This is just another reason to add to my list of "negatives" with regard to living here, and I am struggling to find any positives. I have many friends and I know a lot of people in this town, but a couple of close friends have let me down a lot over the last year or so I have slowly changed my mindset over the last couple of months. I don't get upset about them anymore and when they bother to contact me then I do respond, but I am moving on. I just concentrate my efforts on my OH and my DS, I don't worry over others who don't give me a second thought anymore.

The house we live in needs a lot of loving care and jobs doing, my OH wants to extend the back of the house, revamp the gardens etc, etc and we were planning on doing all this in 2014 when we will finally have the money, but now I don't know anymore. Would it be a waste of money if I feel as I do now, and would we be better to consider a move?
We do know a lot of the neighbours, none of us are what you would call close, but many have themselves moved out or put homes up for sale.

I had a yearning to see my childhood home/town a couple of weeks ago and we drove there for a look. I was horrified to see the state of the area and in particular the road where I grew up. I could not believe that people could live in this state, and I am not exaggerating when I say that there were burnt out cars dumped in the road, bricks, rubble and many many bags of rubbish which had spilled over
everywhere!
All this could not make me feel any better about where we live now, even though its not as bad as that. My OH has said where would we move to as a lot of towns are changing in this way now and I think he would rather stay here anyway. Sorry to go on so long, but I don't know if this is a phase( though a long one) or if I really do need a change now.

OP posts:
wordyBird · 07/08/2013 12:41

I regard this as a boiling frog situation. You can deal with so much discomfort, and then so much more, because it increases incrementally. Then one day you think why am I living here? I hate this!

Locations change. What serves us in part of our lives may not serve us in another.

So - you don't have to stay where you are. Everywhere is not the same. Start making a list of what you want - in a home and a location. OH may not be on board yet but he may come round. Or you might change your mind and stay.

But please don't feel you HAVE to stay.

myroomisatip · 07/08/2013 12:54

Are restricted to where you can move to because of employment?

In your shoes I would certainly want to move. Obviously money plays a big part in where you can go to.

Tiggs2 · 07/08/2013 13:29

Thank you for your replies, and I do agree with you both. I do think these feelings have slowly increased with time, and more things have just added to the negative list. I have tried to make a list of positives, of which there are none really, apart from us knowing a lot people here and of course my DS, who has all his friends and is happy, even though he is 21 now.
The work situation isn't really a problem as I only work part time and my DH will be finishing work in a year anyway. We would however have to sell this house in order to move, as we are not what you would call well off, but then we never have been.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 07/08/2013 16:59

Can you start looking for villages that are near a town at all.
I moved out of a town years ago to a little village and I love it.
It's close enough to everything but also far enough away.
Property prices were the main incentive to move out as I had no intention to do so at the time.
But similar property in the country compared to town/city was a saving of nearly £100K
If you don't want to be there then really think about moving and start putting a plan of action into place.
It can take ages to find the right place, sell your house etc...
I really hope you find what you want and have a more peaceful life in the future!

welshharpy · 07/08/2013 17:11

Hi Op, well I think you are in an excellent position regarding yours and DH's work situation and with your son being old enough to fend for himself now. Look at it like a whole new adventure, where would you like to be? In a village, near the sea, somewhere way off the beaten track? Discuss with your DH and see if he is excited by the prospect of a new pace of life and where he would like to be?
Wishing you well and hope you get some peace and quiet!

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