The Black Sheep Has Had Enough!

[dysfunctionallynormal]

I wonder if anyone can advise/sympathise? At the grand old age of 32 i am finally setting boundaries with toxic older sis (5yr older). As the black sheep of the family i'd become accustomed to being treated like i didn't matter/exist. I was essentially 'cut out' of family life at age 19 (cultural reasons). Older sis took me in (i paid my way the whole yr i lived with her). She resented me throughout,realised later i was only welcome whilst she was saving for wedding! We never had a close relationship but even so,i found that she treated strangers with more consideration n respect than me. Fast forward 13 yrs,ive built a life for myself,worked hard,rule my own roost,mended relations with family and am no longer the runt of the litter. All without any help from her or family. In short-she's always been negative n very critical towards me,never so much as asked if i had a pot to piss in yet ive always been there for her (c-sec/pnd/probs with in laws etc). It got to the point where i deleted her off facebook as i'd had enough of her nasty/bitchy remarks-she only spoke to be negative-cant remember the last time she ever said anything positive. The one and only time i called her up on her behaviour i got 'i'm sorry u misunderstood' as an apology!?!! She's very passive aggressive,narcissistic and self centred. I cut off contact. Now she has never once asked me why i deleted her or don't talk to her-but she's emailed to say 'im sorry if ive letu down or for any offence caused' WTF!!! How do i deal with her?!!! I dnt hate or resent her but i also dnt want her negativity dragging me down. Im finally in a good place in my life,i need my strength to remain positive and move onwards. Sick of being made to feel guilty/the bad one despite never retaliating. How the hell do u tell a passive aggresive narcissistic toxic sibling that you've had enough of their games n attitude-and even tho u love them-u dnt want them in ur life???

Sounds as if she's feeling guilty over something or missing your constant consideration of her. E-mail her back and explain that her treatment of you was negative and you're only accepting positive behavior in your life. If she attempts to make amends, then I'd say let her try. If she goes back to being who she was, then tell her once and for all that she needs to leave you be until she can sort herself out.

Thanku Firebomb xxx i did't respond to her email,i felt it was just another one of her passive aggressive ways of wriggling out of acknowleging her behaviour. It's a no-win situation. I get the feeling she wants me to tell her why i'm not talking to her which then gives her the perfect opportunity to say 'i never meant that. Im sorry you misunderstood!'. We've been here before-last time after almost 2 yrs of no communicstion she rang me at 1am in tears complaining about her hubby/pnd etc. I couldn't bring up her bad behaviour at that point so she wriggled out of it then too.

Anyway,i knew this recent email was too good to be true. other than the fact she's had 4 months to ask me what's wrong,i found out yesterday she's spending a fortnight at my mums with her two Dd-she's been there since last wednesday-ONE WEEK AFTER SHE EMAILED ME!!!!!!! I was meant to be visiting mum this weekend too for eid-but wasn't feeling up to it so stayed home. Mum must have told her i was coming down which prompted her to email.

That's it as far as im concerned. I dont trust her and dont particularly want a relationship with her after all she's done soooooooo.....im not gonna feel guilty for not responding to her. Im done with it.

Im glad i igno

You have my sympathies. I was "the black sheep" in my family, although now as we've all gotten older they have gotten more accepting - i.e. know I am not going to follow their controlling behaviour.

I am also older (wiser? LOL) and realise they will never change and it is better for me not to rise to the bait anymore, I just roll my eyes really... ("Oh, here we go again!" ).

Makes life so much more simple.

My sisters and me have different outlooks on life, doesn't mean they have the monopoly on "the right way to live".

It's sad cos they are the ones stuck in their mind games.

Something about "picking your battles". If you get a nasty email, just leave it, don't reply unless it's family practical stuff. They will soon leave off. Don't feed the negativity. It just becomes a vicious circle and leaves you feeling drained emotionally. Better to preserve that energy and make the best life for yourself.

~Be proud you are doing well in your life and know that at the end of the day you are the only one who has to answer to yourself in the mirror...

Good luck! Yes, it's hard but we have to be true to ourselves!

Thanku MariaLuna :-) just makes me wonder what she gets out of it. I can understand she feels resentful n jealous as she once said to me 'i wish i'd done what u did and not got married or had kids and had concentrated on my career',but why take it out on me?! She made those choices for herself and even then she was puttting me down and insulting me by saying there was something wrong with me cos i was single n i should go see a counsellor!!!! She never understood that i did not choose career over kids,rather i wanted to be financially independent and stable so i could raise my child on my own if my partner walked away.

Marking place for later x

She'd be nasty and jealous, no matter what you did!

Just stick to what you're doing and leave her too it.

Her 'apology's' not good enough. You're better off without her.

If anyone's less than 100% supportive of you, stuff em! Leave em behind and don't look back!

Imvho, she has emailed you with a crap apology, so that when you don't jump up and accept it, then you look the black sheep, again.

So just ignore, you deleted her from FB, why not email? If you hadn't received her email, how would you be feeling now? Answer: exactly as you did do beforehand; ok in yourself, clear conscious and at peace with yourself.

This is another tactic to manipulate you, don't fall for it!

Haha! Thanku! Your understanding and support make me feel that much better and stronger! :-) xxxx

Can you tell I had a crappy manipulo-text from my bitch of a sister recently? :)

ALMOST got me.. felt sucked back in for a bit, but then realised what she was trying to do. Make me feel like crap.

Well, I pulled myself up a bit.

Don't play their games, cos you can't win. Change your plans, go and do something else!

Bleedin sisters! Well,Hissy,i say we both ignore them and see what other tactics they use lol! Ive already told my mum to not pass on my new home add or fone numb to her.