Please help, I just need to talk to someone, I can't cope

[LollyPop87]

I don't know where to start. I am pathetic and rubbish and completely abnormal.

I posted about my ex being emotionally and sexually abusive to me. This relationship ended two years ago and I'm now in a very loving relationship.

I took the good advice on here and sought counselling. Im glad I did, I saw a lady yesterday, she was lovely.

But it's bought it to the forefront of my mind in a way I could never have imagined.

I have been in tears for two hours, my heart is pounding, I feel so distraught and panicky about it all, as if it only happened yesterday.

My dp knows about it but no details. I desperately need him to hold me and tell me its ok, like usual, but he's had a very long day and has fallen asleep. I don't want to wake him.

He came downstairs to see what I was doing, as he thought I was getting a shower. I jumped out of my skin because I was already panicking and he made me jump because I thought he was upstairs. I started shaking uncontrollably and cried even more, he must have thought I had gone crazy.

I'm a normal person, I promise. But I am not acting like one. My dp must think I am crazy. I don't know what to do. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I feel so alone.

Yes, that may be a good plan.

Is there some support rasa could give him? I know they have survivor's groups. I don't know if they have any support for partners or even literature that he could read.

Oh I'm not sure, it would be great if there was so I will look into it. I think he feels alot of responsibility when he shouldn't, because he is literally the only person I have ever told, apart from posting on here and speaking to the rasa.

I think I will speak to him tonight at a time when I'm feeling calm so that its not overly emotional, and just explain all of this to him. Hopefully that may reassure him abit.

www.pandys.org/secondarysurvivors.html
What about this?

I have recognised counselling qualifications.

Firstly; it is very normal that after telling someone about intimate problems it can bring up memories and emotions attached to the actual event. This can sometimes make people feel raw and less able to deal with everyday life. This can be a difficult and demanding experience. It is however part of the process of un-picking what has happened and trying to find new ways to cope with it.

Most counsellors do give some warning of this and ask their clients how they feel about the prospect of sharing and remembering their past.

Many also give avenues of help/contact numbers for others who you can also contact between sessions if something in a session hits a raw nerve.

Some may also give a contact number for themselves so you can speak to them directly between sessions should something serious come up. It's all about keeping you safe as you go through the change process.

Sometimes a counsellor may also test a theory they have against what you are saying and that can flip your view on its head (which can be disorientating if you have always seen things in one particular way for a good period of time).

There are no rules to say that you have to share what is happening within your sessions with anyone else. But some people often need an 'outsider's' perspective to balance what has happened mid-session. This is entirely a personal choice.

Your counsellor will ask you next week how things have gone since she saw you last. And I would encourage you to be 'congruent' (that is say exactly what is on your mind without feeling to need to use impressive language e.g 'I have had a very up and down week and some bits have been shit to be honest - wish I had someone to talk to mid-week' ) If you can find it inside yourself to be this honest - it can be a breath of fresh air and also means that you can make best use of your sessions.

It's a brave and useful thing that you are doing. I wish you the best for the rest of your sessions.

Thank you Offred, that link is very useful :) I spoke to my dp last night, and I explained that I just needed a hug etc when I felt panicky, and he seemed reassured by that. I explained that he really isn't supposed to be saying anything.

And thank you johflow. It is so helpful to get an inaight from someone with qualifications so that I know what to expect in the coming weeks. I woll definitely try to be honest on Monday. I find my counseller (she's technically not a counsellor but I can't think of a different way to put it!) surprisingly easy to talk to.

I felt extremely anxious on Tuesday, and quite panicky yesterday too. But I also felt angry yesterday that it was now taking up even more time of my life. I feel like ive already lost years to it.

Today, I have woken up feeling quite different. I feel very very determined that I will get past this feeling. I don't want to waste any more days, weeks, months or years of my life because of it, and I am determined that soon, I won't. Rather than feelin anxious, in my head atm is a feeling of, it happened, but it was in the past, and I am safe now.

I'm sure it will be up and down, but I think I will write thay down somewhere to remind myself when I feel anxious.

I can't thank everyone enough for their support. I was so anxious and scared on Tuesday night, I didn't know what was happening. So thank you for not letting me go through that by myself, and thank you for all the advice :)