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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Don't know where I stand

3 replies

LeftTheBastard · 06/08/2013 19:43

I found out 6 weeks ago that OH (now XP) was having an affair with someone from work. It was an EA with only 1 physical interaction but I confronted him, told him it was over and we started making preparations for him to move out (can't move out until September so has continued to share the house with me and DS, 2). Things had been difficult for a while with me working fulltime and doing the majority of the childcare and him having depression and work problems.

We talked a lot and decided to try relate with the aim of seeing if we could resurrect our relationship or at least stay civil for DS's sake, and went to our first session on Saturday where the counsellor asked us if we want to be together in the future - he said yes immediately whereas I was more reticent.

However I think he's still continuing the affair or at least still wants to. He has a close (female) friend on facebook (who is married but has had several affairs and I have a feeling XP has always held a candle for her) and I have secretly read their messages where he talks about wanting to shag the OW and he's pissed off that she hasn't made her mind up! (I assume about continuing a relationship with him)

I have no idea where I stand or what he's playing at and it's another 10 days until our next counselling session for me to go crazy wondering what's going on!

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 06/08/2013 21:12

Well... I don't think you stand at No 1 in your XP's priority list right now, do you? Relate sounds a bit like a sticking plaster on a broken leg if he's not only still involved with the OW, but sharing his feelings about her with another woman who isn't you. I think the "staying civil for DS's sake" is a more achievable goal, at least in the short term unless the XP gets a total personality transplant .

GetStuffezd · 06/08/2013 21:15

Going to Relate with this man would be an utter farce. His heart is most certainly not into salvaging your relationship - he's keeping you hanging on while OW makes her mind up. If she says yes he will be away without a look over his shoulder. If she says no he's got you wating in the background.
Awful behaviour.

AnyFucker · 06/08/2013 21:15

Why do you think you "stand" anywhere ?

Would you still try again with this fuckwit ? Seriously ?

Cancel the counselling and end your relationship immediately...anything else is doormat behaviour.

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