separating but living in same house. how does this work?

[oldham70]

I am really unhappy with our relationship at the moment. I am seriously considering ending it but we are tied by house, large mortgage etc etc.
I have heard that you can be treatec as separated if you cook own meals and sleep in different rooms etc.
This would only be short term but I wondered if anyone had done it and does it work.
Also how do finances work. I know I could claim some benefitd but how do you deal with bills , mortgage , maintenance etc.
Thank you.

"can be treated as separated" as in, for court/divorce purposes?

If it's only for the short term, do you anticipate one of you moving out in a few months?

I may have misunderstood. I think I read on a thread here that you could be separated but still live under the same roof. Obviously I wouldn't want it to continue long term but really not sure how long it would be.
I guess I am just hunting for info before deciding what to do.
Thank you for your reply.

If you mean you want to obtain a divorce based on two years separation then you need to be able to show you have lived separately for two years. It depends on the house layout and size. But as a starting point, separate beds, separate shopping for and preparing of food, as far as possible separate bills. This is largely unchallenged by the court as long as the wording is right on your affidavit in support of your petition.

Yes you can. Basically you just have to agree that you are separated and then treat that as the separation date for divorce if you plan to divorce on the basis of two years separation. Xdp and I separated on a particular day (when I told him it was over); we stayed in the house together for another 14 months in separate rooms. We did eat together and do laundry together and so forth but nobody was going to argue with us about being separated - why would they?

I can't recommend it though.

Yes you can indeed do this, we did for a couple of months, and my ex claimed benefits despite the fact I work, on the basis we were separated. As long as you say all the facts on the forms, then the powers that be can make a decision, and you're not defrauding anyone.

The main thing is to remember you're living at the same address not 'living together' in lingo terms.

The basics I think are sleeping separately, eating separately and socialising separately. Don't know how far they do with the rest of it... Ultimately if you're still doing chores for him (laundry?), why would you do this if you're not together. If you continue to support each other financially (e.g. one of you paying all the bills), then that also doesn't stack up. You need to ensure you're both paying your way in order to do this with a clean conscience.

They might also be interested in why you should choose to live under the same roof if you've split up - in which case you need to be ready with all the reasons you've outlined.

Not a pleasant experience though! Depends of course entirely on the relationship you have.

Sorry did you mean for divorce or benefits purposes? I think they are not so strict for separation divorces - as someone says above, who's going to argue?

I've done this. My ex refused to move out, so we lived "separately" in the same house for over a year. Separate bedrooms, bathrooms, cooking times, etc. Total hell in the short term, but aves money in the long term if neither of you have friends or family to stay with

saves not "aves"

ExH and I did it for 6 months. It was horrendous but had no alternative at the time....was worth it in the long run. Look at all other options first if you can.

Sorry for interjecting, but in divorce cases, do you have to file this date formally on some official record at the time of the initial separation or can you just say, after two years, that thus was when we stated to live as separate adults but in the same house?

Weary you put the date of separation in the petition and then give further detail in the affidavit in support.

Just curious, but what stops you from just saying "yeah, we separated two years ago" and constructing a (fake) history of eating separately etc - how could anyone prove otherwise?

There would be no real reason to do this though as you could just divorce on unreasonable behaviour if you wanted a 'quickie divorce'. Could get complicated when sorting finances on divorce if you claim to have been living separately but in fact all your assets etc are still joint.

exactly, there's usually no need for separation to be the reason for the divorce. Even though we'd been 'separated' for 6 months before I actually left the marital house I divorced on grounds of unreasonable behaviour and our period of separation wasn't taken into account at all, for the exact reasons that ricecakes states with regard to finances.

My H wanted to state that we'd separated 2 years previously, in order to avoid unreasonable behaviour allegations. My solicitor flagged that if it came to light you could be found in comtempt of court, and also face lots of costs to withdraw the initial petition and replace it.