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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Well, don't snoop if you're not going to be happy with what you find...

6 replies

Notniceatall · 06/08/2013 17:21

... which I'm not. In fact I'm really upset and confused.

I've NC'd for this. I'm long time (amicably, I thought) separated from my H. He comes and stays in the family home some weekends and I go away. When I returned from this weekend, I discovered, when I turned on the PC, that the browser did not shut down properly and restored the last session, which was one of his email accounts. I thought, whoohoo, I'll have a snoop and see if there are mails regarding our divorce as he is dragging his feet and I suspect he is trying to hide funds away. I found a little bit of that, a few nasty comments about me in emails, but what I mainly found was a huge history of porn, S&M, porn blogs, private emails to bloggers which were extremely explicit, Adultwork, huge purchases on LoveHoney etc etc. This was just within his email account, not on any laptop he may use.

I'm really shocked. I don't know what to do with this knowledge. It's not that I have any desire to get back with him, am a prude in any way or am bothered if he has a sex life, it's just the how sordid and graphic it was. It's as if he now is a totally different person in my mind to the one I've known for 25 years, and a grubby one. I think the worst bit is that I can't get over the thought that he likes to wank over pictures of female genitalia belonging to girls who are the same age as our daughters... I feel sick just typing this.

OP posts:
LEMisdisappointed · 06/08/2013 17:27

Well, it confirms you have had a lucky escape really doesn't it!

Spottypurse · 06/08/2013 17:29

It was in his email account, or on your family PC?

If he was accessing porn on your family PC I'd view that differently to purchases of porn made on his laptop that you can see because you snooped his email account.

nomorecrumbs · 06/08/2013 17:33

Are you whiter than white in your sexual fantasies, OP?

I don't see what gets women's goats about men getting off on porn. Yes, there's the feminist issue, but why is it so "gross"? Our basic instincts are gross. Get over it. His sexual interests are no longer any concern of yours.

WhoNickedMyName · 06/08/2013 17:37

i don't know what to do with this knowledge

Nothing.

You shouldn't have looked, he is not doing anything illegal and it's none of your business.

Be thankful you're no longer with him and carry on being as amicable as you can, whilst pushing forward with your divorce.

sooperdooper · 06/08/2013 17:42

You're getting divorced, you had no reason to snoop on his private emails and he's actually done nothing wrong at all

You do nothing with the knowledge, apart from forget about it, you went looking for some kind of 'dirt' and you found it, you shouldn't have looked, nothing you could have found would've been constructive

ImperialBlether · 06/08/2013 19:14

I know it's hard when you're given a golden opportunity like that, but in reality you were only ever going to learn something horrible.

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