I'm a married mother of 3, ds is 5, dd 4, dd 2. We married nearly 8 years ago, I've always wanted a large family, and prior to marrying worked really hard to try and enable affordability for me to have a large family and not work for a while. We both have our own businesses, but things have been a real struggle over the last 5 years financially, so I juggle raising the children and working mainly in the evenings and during nap times as I really want to just be a stay at home mum not to mention childcare costs, though over the age of 1 the children have done 1-2 days a week, though I also have done some childminding to help offset the crèche cost.
I desperately wanted a 4th child to complete the family, I watch the children and feel that we just need one more to balance the family, I hate seeing one child left out most of the time, even if they aren't bothered just now.
Husband says no.... Won't have a conversation about it, I have asked why not, his sleep. I know there should be compromise but without discussion how can there be?
I have worried and stressed about our financial situation, I have had to borrow money, take out loans, re mortgage, (I had bought 2 properties before meeting husband that I let) he has watched me re evaluate and re calculate spending of my business, our outgoings, I have had many sleepless nights, he has always told me he earns good money but when I asked him what he earns he never knew/gave an answer.
Anyway recently children and business has become too much and before I costs me my health I have decided I have to sell so I asked him in march what his net profit is, I continued asking and finally he told me at the end of July, it is less than 5figures. I was pretty shocked as I had no idea as well as doing all the cleaning 90% of the cooking most of the shopping and was the primary care provider for the children that I also provided just over 75% of the income though being treated as a stay at home wife.
Then last week I had to look for something and came some old accounts of his from 6 and 7 years ago and so I had a look and they were similar to this years, I feel so hurt that he could watch me agonise over out finances without saying anything, the fact that he has earns so little for so long and not bothered to try anything about it. He did say though that he thought it was a fine amount for a single man. He feels that enjoying his work is hugely important, what he earns and the consequences of such bear no consideration.
So I asked home why he married me knowing what I wanted from my life, he said he didn't think it through. I now just feel that my world has fallen around me, I won't ever be able to have the family or be the stay at home mum that I so desperately set out for. Should I accept this to keep the family together? He is a nice man on the surface agrees with most things, says what he thinks you want to hear but takes no responsibility to help make it happen. I feel like I have made such a mess of my life as I haven't achieved anything that I had set out to that had been really important to me. I'm pretty miserable and just don't know what to do, sometimes I feel really cheated other time think I'm behaving like a spoilt brat, what do you think?