Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dp's venom directed at my kids

38 replies

IvoryTickles · 05/08/2013 19:52

Don't ask why I'm still here as its a very new development. I have two kids, both boys aged 12 and 14. My eldest is well behaved and mostly well mannered, holds down a paper round, good grades at school, never in any bother. Couldn't ask for much more really. My youngest is highly strung with behavioural problems and ADHD. A handful by my own admission.

Dp also has two boys. A 17 year old well mannered, polite and quiet 17 year old and an autistic but lovely 16 year old. No kids are without faults however and his eldest can be stroppy, self centred and ignorent and the youngest, because of his disability requires a lot of looking after when he's here. Not that I mind.

Anyway dp was always worried that my youngest would scare his sensible , sensitive little souls to death and make them not want to visit. This didn't happen, in fact dss2 and his youngest became best buddies overnight. Despite the age different, they get on great. So I assume everything is going well - until of course, 4 weeks in and dp announces that my ds loves to rub it in that he has their dad full time and he has upset dss2. I ask how. He replied "he asked me to play Xbox with him in front of dss". Ridiculous! I can guarantee ds did not do that maliciously he just enjoys playing with dp! Hardly crime of the century.
This weekend he took his two and my ds to cinema. He came back saying dss had spoilt it for everyone. I thought "oh god, what has he done??" Turns out he'd just been getting involved in conversation and pushing his voice across a bit. He does this ALL the time. The lad has special needs - he doesn't think "hmm this will make them not want to come anymore!" He then goes on to say "but doesnt he understand?? they're MY boys!!" I told dp he was being ridiculous and making something out of nothing. Since then he has called ds2 a "tosser" for being cheeky to me (and slagged him off to dss2) and my ds1 a "dickhead" for accidentally shutting a door too hard despite knowing that he's dyspraxic.

I couldn't even picture the nuclear fallout if I called one of his lads a tosser or dickhead. Wtf is his problem all of a sudden? Other times he's great with them. Makes them milkshakes, helps with homework, Thales them out etc but every now and again the horrible venom seeps through. I feel like punching him.

OP posts:
cloudskitchen · 05/08/2013 21:23

I wouldn't let anyone talk about my kids like that. It would be the beginning of the end for me I'm afraid.

flagrantviolator · 05/08/2013 21:28

Dear OP. I see you said you "feel like punching him". That IS NOT OK! No matter what a DP says or does, even THINKING of violence is wrong. What would the MN community have to say if a man on here said he "felt like punching her" because he didn't like a facet of his DP's behaviour?
Turn it the other way, though, and no one even makes a peep. Shame on you, and on those who read your threat and didn't bother to denounce it.

Hegsy · 05/08/2013 21:40

Did you not post about him before? Favouring his eldest ds and not doing things if he wasn't involved and dropped everything for him? You need to put your children first and get rid. B doesn't matter how often you post everyone is going to keep telling you the same thing. If he's causing a violent reaction in you to it os definitely time to get out

EachAndEveryHighway · 05/08/2013 21:47

He's utterly vile. That fact permeates through every post of every thread you start about him.

LynetteScavo · 05/08/2013 21:51

If anyone called my DS a tosser or a dickhead they wouldn't be living with me anymore.

QueenQueenie · 05/08/2013 21:58

you need to put your children's interests and welfare first. You are not doing this if you allow them to be emotionally abused by your boyfriend.

ageofgrandillusion · 05/08/2013 22:01

OP - i just wanted to congratulate you for putting your love life above the well being, mental health and long term self esteem of your children. Well done you. You should be really proud of yourself.

NachoAddict · 05/08/2013 22:08

You really need to get rid. If you won't stand up for your dc then who will. Your responsible for their wellbeing.

I agree with a previous poster that feeling that you want to be violent is not ok and you need to break goss with anyone who makes you feel that way.

Platinumstart · 05/08/2013 22:18

You know this is wrong or you wouldn't keep name changing. You know what to do.

LapsedPacifist · 05/08/2013 22:32

That IS NOT OK! No matter what a DP says or does, even THINKING of violence is wrong.

Oh come off it! Shock

Shame on you, and on those who read your threat and didn't bother to denounce it.

Victim blaming or what!

OP, you KNOW what you need to do. Well done for identifying the red flags and for running this situation past the nest of vipers - the responses are pretty unanimous. Honestly, you can tell if the things he's calling your your kids are abusive insults or just just blokey banter.

SlightlyItchyBraStrap · 06/08/2013 09:14

Why have you name changed??

thepixiefrog · 06/08/2013 12:48

Flagrant, thinking of violence and acting on the impulse to be violent are really very different. Many people feel the urge to be violent and choose not to act on it. Such thoughts are normal.

OP, as a child of a mother who did not protect me I can say with almost 100% certainty that your future relationship with your DC will be very troubled if you allow this man to treat them like this. I hold my DM responsible for allowing the abuse to happen and for not keeping me safe. That was her role as my mother and I believe that she failed me. I am not judging you, just telling you how it is for me.

All the best.x

PAsSweetOrangeLurve · 06/08/2013 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread