Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Difficult anniversary crap day

6 replies

Familyperspectiveplease · 05/08/2013 16:55

I'm sitting in my room crying so really need some perspective. I can't gauge whether I am being ridiculous or not.

I live a long way from my family and have not seen them for over a year. I have travelled to stay with my parents for three nights along with 2 DC. I have always had a fraught relationship with my mother.

My sister has also come to stay with her family. I get on well with my sister. I would describe us as close. My sister has a good friend who over the years has ingratiated herself into the family. She has also travelled to the city we're in with her family. I had no idea until Saturday that she was doing this.

I struggle with this woman for two reasons. 1) she was very dismissive when I lost my son at 23 weeks, 2) she acts like best pals with my mum - calls herself the extra DD and is always asking why I don't get on with my mum "because she is so lovely".

Today is the anniversary of my DS stillbirth. I would rather not be here but it's the way the travel plans fell and so I'm trying to make best of it. I was under impression we were going for quiet pub dinner: parents and sister + DCs. About an hour ago I was told this family friend is also coming.

I was already aware that we were going out as a group tomorrow night - I was told earlier today.

I just feel I'm too fragile to cope. I don't need my mum and this woman being in my face about how mutually wonderful they are. I can't face having my feelings trashed and dismissed.

I want to just leave but I know it'll be perceived as having a tantrum. I don't know what to do

OP posts:
freemanbatch · 05/08/2013 17:12

You are an adult, if you want to leave then leave you have the right to make that choice whatever other people's opinions might be. The anniversary of the death of your child is most certainly a day when you can give no fucks for other people and do what you have to do for you.

AgathaF · 05/08/2013 17:17

You must do what is right for you. If that means not seeing your family and this woman, then that is what you have to do.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Take good care of yourself.

Dahlen · 05/08/2013 17:58

If you can't face it and don't feel strong enough to explain your reasons why, could you not pretend you don't feel very well?

Dahlen · 05/08/2013 17:59

OR even be a bit more truthful and say the anniversary is simply too hard for you to be with people and be happy and sociable. You don't want to bring down anyone else's evening so will stay behind.

I'm sorry for your loss. Flowers

Celador · 05/08/2013 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cloudskitchen · 05/08/2013 18:37

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dc. How bloody awful. You need to be selfish. If you're feeling to fragile for the dinner then don't go. Can you tell your sister that you just don't feel up to it but you'll see them tomorrow? Are they aware of the date? Thanks Thanks

New posts on this thread. Refresh page