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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How do you get through it

40 replies

MrsThor · 05/08/2013 15:20

I have just moved half way around the world, with my little boy to be with my husband. He moved with his job and has been traveling back and forth for a while. He persuaded me to give up everything at home and move here to be together

Since getting here I have now discovered he has been having an affair. I have booked flights for my son and I to go back home...even though we don't have a house etc anymore

How the hell do you get through each day dealing with this pain?

OP posts:

Vivacia · 05/08/2013 16:08

Are you willing to give him time to make amends, or do you definitely want to separate?

Original poster

MrsThor · 05/08/2013 16:09

How do you make amends from sleeping with a lady boy and giving them money

OP posts:

Vivacia · 05/08/2013 16:13

I'm not sure how people survive affairs - genuine regret, full disclosure, making amends, patience..?

Original poster

MrsThor · 05/08/2013 16:15

I can't compete with a man

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 05/08/2013 16:39

Personally, I tried to put up with affairs but it just kills you inside. He really isn't the man you thought he was, is he? And the spending on the other person makes me think he's showing off, playing the big man.

If he's bisexual and hadn't thought that might be something you should know and then had an affair - not even a one night stand - with someone who he then treated to expensive things when his own family was broke, then he really isn't the man you thought you loved.

ImperialBlether · 05/08/2013 16:39

Why the hell did the man need a new iPhone if he couldn't pay his rent?

ImperialBlether · 05/08/2013 16:40

Which country are you in, MrsThor? Just wondering how hard it was to find a man like that. Did he seek him out?

ImperialBlether · 05/08/2013 16:41

And being attracted to ladyboys is different from being bi, isn't it?

Vivacia · 05/08/2013 16:44

Am I the only one uncomfortable with the term "ladyboy"?

I think the bisexuality is a red herring. It's the lying and betrayal that'd be the issue for me.

ImperialBlether · 05/08/2013 17:07

I have to admit I struggled with it even though I used it, Vivacia. I couldn't think of another term, though!

Original poster

MrsThor · 05/08/2013 17:16

I am in singapore

It's what they are called here

OP posts:

JugglingFromHereToThere · 05/08/2013 17:19

Just wanted to suggest keeping things as simple as you can with your son .... I don't know how much you say but I think my inclination would be to say that we are going home for a while as M is upset with D. You don't know completely what the future will hold for DS in his relationship with his Father, so help it be one day at a time for him too ?

All the best to you and DS. It will slowly begin to feel better once you're back home I think.

Original poster

MrsThor · 05/08/2013 17:24

Thank you juggling

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsThor · 05/08/2013 17:28

Imperial I think you are right about him trying to be the big man

OP posts:

Vivacia · 05/08/2013 18:27

("Transgender" is a generally acceptable description, e.g. "transgender person").

I hope you're doing ok, how long do you have to last before you get home?

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