Know I'm being selfish but don't think I can stay much longer

[caramal]

Me and my partner had been trying to conceive #2 for several months.
It was mutual. OH was so excited about decorating the nursery, which pram to buy. If anything it was more him who persuaded me to have another at 1st as I found pregnancy difficult.

He waited until I thought I was pregnant and a few days late to tell me he'd "changed his mind" with no real excuse.

I was/am still devastated about it and I would still love another child.

It hurts to see others pregnant and I get so jealous. Now there's a few family members and friends who have announced they are pregnant and I don't think I can cope hearing about it all.

I love my OH but I feel like I'm just beginning to resent him and I don't want to stay a few more years and hate him for it.

(I have no plans whatsoever to get into another relationship if this one ends)

So..do I end it now so we can hopefully still remain friends?

You're not being selfish at all! If you desperately want children and he doesn't, that's a deal-breaker. That doesn't make either one of you a bad person, it just makes you incompatible. I think that's the way you present it if you decide you need to have that conversation.

Do you know why he changed his mind? Is it a case of cold feet, a genuine change of heart, or a manipulative tactic?

Did you continue with your pregnancy?

At first he said "it's not the right time" then he said it was because he didn't like sleepless nights n crying. He's also said "don't want u to get fat" but he reckons that was a joke.

I wasn't pregnant just late unless it was a chemical pregnancy.

Feel like I'm being really selfish but I think he was too to leave it so late to tell me.

We were planning another child for about 6 months, I had the coil removed, waited few months, stopped drinking, taking folic acid etc

It's not like we rushed into it.

What are things like in your relationship generally?

Caramal,

I don't think you are being selfish, in fact if anything I think it is he who has been selfish. No one like having the rug ripped from under their feet and this is exactly what he has done to you. With pretty awful timing as well, to tell you he had changed his mind at a point when theoretically it was already too late had you actually been pregnant!

Have you tried to discuss more with him about why and what has prompted his sudden change of heart?

The problem with this sort of issue is the fact that you can't force him into a pregnancy and having another child, equally he can't stop you wanting to get pregnant and have another child. This is where it becomes a stand off and resentment builds.

The feeling of wanting another child and not being able to have one is so all consuming and I know it must really be hurting you.

Has he said, no more children ever? or has he said not right now? maybe in the future? Maybe there is some way you can come to a compromise.

Let's just say you did reach a compromise, or even say that he changed his mind tomorrow, do you think you would feel better? do you think you would be able to let go of the resentment? and do you think you relationship would/could be good again if this issue was resolved?

Thanks for the advice,

I've brought it up several times in letters or trying to talk to him.
And he says nothing and when I prompt him to respond he says "what do you want me to say, anything I say will just make things worse"

He went from wanting another child to NEVER wanting another. I had suggested leaving it 3-4 years but he said no.

Relationship wise things are okay, this is the only strain in the relationship I think. We have no debts at all and doing okay money wise.