Help! Mother is dangerously overweight, how do I broach it...?

[babysaurus]

Inspire me, she's coming over in an hour.

Mum is, I guess, bordering on 20 stone (and five foot five.) She broke her leg last year and still limps and won't walk more than half an hour and am sure her weight won't help. Her diet has got progressively worse, she cooks but veg are always smothered in butter, she does use a lot of processed, eats a lot of cheese etc.

Am seriously concerned she will soon have a heart attack, break her leg again, or worse. Have bought a copy of the Fast Diet which I was going to give to her when she comes and say I was concerned but any other tactful inspiration would be welcome - feel too involved and frustrated and don't want to say too much and sim

frog maybe you just can't cope with people telling you what they think you should do! :) Or maybe you don't appreciate people caring and worrying about you.

But Missbopeep - there is a very real possibility that saying something will make her eat more and do less!!! That is the problem with comfort eating and addiction to eating. Sometimes being depressed, feeling guilty, feeling trapped, feeling exhausted, feeling fat, feeling overweight - can all lead to eating to provide comfort.

Mad but true.

Missbopeep - maybe you are right about me!!

Thinking about it - I think my problem is that I would think people must think I am thick if they say something to me. As I have said previously, there is plenty enough info around for me to be making my own decisions in life without even those that care about me interfering.!!!

I think I would also be mortified as I would know I had a problem, and wouldn't want it pointing out to me that I wasn't able to tackle it. That would make me ashamed and would probably depress me.

Its a personality thing!!

she probably already knows shes fat tbh.

dont say anything

I think it depends on the person, as you say.

A typical 'teenage' response to concern even when meant well, is to do the complete opposite. (And I'm not having a pot shot at you here....)
Just to prove 'you can' and are your own person.

But a word in someone else's ear might just be the push they need.
It's one thing intellectualising the reasons for being overweight, drinking too much etc etc- but it's another when your nearest and dearest say something.

Having said that, I do also believe that actually making changes has to come from the person themselves - no one can make anyone lose weight etc- they have to really want to.

She drinks quite a lot and smokes too, which doesn't help.

The heavy drinking and smoking would be more of a concern than the weight to be honest. If she tackled the drinking then the weight is likely to come off.

The smoking is the worst and most dangerous of all imo.

Say your mum drops dead from a heart attack in 6 months, or develops breast cancer from being overweight- would you kick yourself for not saying something, or be happier that you hadn't ruffled her feathers?

Seriously, it won't make any difference. She's just as likely to drop down dead whether you say anything or not. She won't suddenly slap her forehead and say my GOD, you're right, I'd better lose 10 stones right away and thank you SO much for saving my life.

Keep your beak out. You obviously don't have an easy relationship with her. Saying anything will make it worse.

Yop, I have an excellent relationship with her with regards to everything but her weight!

Personally I understand why you want to say something but if she drinks and smokes she hardly regards her body as a temple does she?

I actually think you would be wasting your breath by commenting upon it; whatever you say won't be new to her and is hardly likely to make her change her lifestyle. Everyone knows about healthy living today but it is hard for many people for many different reasons - and I include myself regarding the weight issue.

If you are adamant you want to say something then broach the issue of health and weight in a general way (maybe discussing something like The Biggest Loser) and try to draw her into it. If your mum then comments on wanting to shift the weight then you are on to a winner. If not then I guess you need to just respect the fact she doesn't want to tackle her size at the moment.

what about if you tell her next time you see her you want to join a slimming club but feel shy on your own and could she come....i know i have recently started slimming world after trying and failing at weight watchers and its amazing i cant believe how massive the portions are and i lost 11lbs in one week, having never felt hungry once...
also if you stay for group every week this may really encourage your mum as everyone will really celebrate her losses...how about buying a slimming world magazine having a read find some really inspirational stories and get her to 'come with you to support you'
if money is an issue for her as slimming world is the only diet recommended by the general medical council it can also be prescribed by her gp for free

I wonder if you're mum was underweight/heavy smoker/drinker you'd be wanting to say something, I agree that drinking n smoking is a bigger issue tbh.

Don't give her the book.

Eating disorders must be such a hard thing to understand if you've never suffered or been close to someone who suffers. Would you tell anorexia to just eat, or a depressed person to cheer up (perhap you would, and equally it wouldn't help.)

I can almost guarantee you she knows she's big and doesn't need you to point it out. Other issues in life we can hide but not over or under eating. It could quite likely have the opposite effect to the one you intend.

On the other hand, being there for her, anything that will bolster self esteem and helping her feel good about herself. Or encouraging her if she makes the moves to improve, would help far more.

The 5 2diet wouldn't be of much help in any case to a lot of binge or comfort eaters who need to relearn a healthy relationship with food, and a healthier way of dealing with negative feelings.

I have a family member who is shorter and heavier than that and very young. It breaks my heart into two to see her struggling to walk and get on and off the couch. She isn't even 25.

I actually have talked to her when the subject has came up but it doesn't change anything. If she doesn't do something soon she is going to get seriously ill or not be able to get out at all.

I spend so much time worrying about her but until someone is ready to lose weight nothing anyone can say will change that.

It is so horrible having to watch someone you love become very unhealthy and be powerless to change the situation but my family member knows the risks and until she is ready I have learnt that nothing I say will change it and all it will do is possibly alienate her if she ever does want to talk to me or ask for my support.

Having seen an overweight relative deteriorate very quickly from mid 60's with having not had many health issues previously, diabetic, heart attack, stroke and disability follows. All in 10 years.

It's heart breaking to see, but going from mobile to basically stuck in a chair needing constant care in such a short number of years is frightening, just because they are very overweight.

Worse still, is that any fall ends up with months in hospital or care homes as you need specialist lifting equipment just to get them in and out of bed or too the loo.

Say something, but do it along the lines that you are getting concerned and can see a deterioration. If I compare this relative to some other folk the same age, who are fit and active, it certainly brings home the fact that you should stop yourself getting obese.