Trying to support my DD

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I posted on here a few weeks ago about my DD (aged 10) who doesn't want to see her father anymore. Since then we have been to court and the judge ordered a CAFCASS officer to speak to my daughter and we are due back in court again later in the year. Unfortunately he stated that until then his existing order of shared residency still stood despite the fact that we had informed him of the dv that my DD had been witness to between her father and his partner and that that was the reason she was so scared of her father and did not want to go with him.

Since the Court my ex has attempted to take my daughter with him on an almost daily basis and each time she becomes distraught and has refused to go and has been physically sick following her meetings with him. On one occasion he attempted to pick her up from school and the headmistress had to ask him to leave because she was so distressed. My ex is insisting that I am withholding my DD even though my DS still goes as per the original residency order. He and his partner are calling / texting me and / or my DP on a daily basis and have now said that they are going to apply for an enforcement order to get my DD to go back even though they know it is her that is saying no and not me.

Over the weekend my DP was told by my ex husbands partner that she wanted to see my in jail. All I am doing is trying to support my DD, if she wants to see her dad I would never stop her but she is distraught every time his name is mentioned. He was very aggressive to me during our marriage and he has a massive temper and I think this is what my daughter is now scared of. I can't hand her over to him through physical force when she is so upset and pleading with me to not let him take her but the Judge didn't seem to take any notice of my daughters fear other than to order a CAFCASS officer to see her but that may not be until October. I don't know what to do, it will destroy my DD and my DS to see me go to jail over this but I have to protect my DD. More importantly my DD is having to face this every single day in some form or other and it is having a huge impact on her physically and mentally. Surely there is some way that I can protect her from this harassment until she has spoken to the CAFCASS officer?

Keeping records seems to have become our full time job, that along with reporting everything to our solicitors. I don't know if we can get any type of barring order, I wish we could as I don't think that my DD can take much more of this.

have you taken her to GP and got referrred to family therapist/psychologist? that would back up your concerns - eg if you can get a CAMHs report from psychologist saying seeing her dad would be unhelpful.

go to police and report the harassment - you can get that stopped .

so currently there is shared residenccy but your dd is not seeing her dad at all coz she refuses to go ?

it is very important you get other profresisonals invovled here - dont jsut wait for cafcass officer to speak to ehr alter in year!!

both as a matter of record that you can tell cafcass/judge you have sought help for her distress and also more for her sake so she can process and talk to someone about her fears - and perhaps come up with some kind of solution whether that invoves contact or not. working with family therapist or psychologist she might be abel o come up with how and when she migh be ok seeing dad, under what conditions etc. or if conclusion is she wants zero direct contact they might be able to back yu up.

my dds atended family therapy to talk about their issues with seeing dad and it has helped a lot.

you need reasonable excuse to stop conact - if the dv she saw was reported to police ((did it get reprote??do you ahve a police refernce number??? )) and there is a record of it -then that is reasonable excuse.

if you can get headteacher to sign a witness statement on what she witnessed -well that will help too.

they unliekly to send you striaight to prison if you have reasonable excuse plus seeking profressional help.

get abother payg mobile for when ds goes to see him for contacting purposes then bar bloack him and his from your regular mobile - he can contact your solicitor if he has somehting to discuss.

and report to police not just solicitor.

I went to my GP but he just suggested talking to Social Services which I had already done or ringing the police Child Protection Unit. When I spoke to Social Services they said that I was to act as the responsible adult in safeguarding my child (but couldn't advise me to break the Court Order ) and to give her a mobile phone so that she could ring the police if she was scared when she was with him - not very helpful. The GP said he couldn't help us as it wasn't a medical matter. The CAFCASS officer should speak to her headmistress, I hope

It is a medical issue if she is so distressed that she is being physically sick. She sounds quite emotionally traumatised. If children can be seen by GP's & signed off school with stress,( when having great difficulty at school), your GP could at least decide if your dd is being made so ill with stress the present situation cannot continue.
I would agree with others, to seek counselling for her to talk through her worries-this way, your exh cannot say it is you putting words in dd's mouth or encouraging her not to visit him.
Can your solicitor not contact the Court, & ask for an urgent Cafcass referral for your dd, explaining the current situation.

I completely feel helpless over this If i had gone to my GP about hassle from somebody from work I would be able to get a sick note straight away but because she is a child no one will help her. She's having nightmares and crying every day it's so heartbreaking. He saw her today and gave her a hug and you can see her cringe away . I keep on to my solicitor but he doesn't seem to be able to get anywhere with Cafcass. Does anyone know if i Can I get a private CAHMS referral?

Go back to gp and insist ina referral to camhs because she is getting sick thru this and it will get worse if she doesn't get support.
You do need to calmly insist on a referral.

Overplay her anxiety to gp if needs be.

Look up family therapy and CAMHS services near you so you know what is on offer. There may also be other charities semi private orgs like Anna Freud centre in London .

Cafcass role is to assess and write reports. But you could call thlocal office and ask them if they can recommend therapists etc or if they offer anything. but really it is gp who should refer but. ,y experience you do need to insist keep going back and telling gp she having nightmares. Crying and extreme anxiety daily.