DH moved out a month ago. Things had been rumbling on for a year but I'm devastated. Majority of my RL friends and family think I'm well rid but it's not something I feel. I'm still in love with him and am hoping for a reconciliation but suspect I'm still in denial.
On Thursday night he went to a festival, collapsed, went into respiratory and cardiac arrest, was resuscitated twice at site, brought by ambulance to intensive care, was on a ventilator, intubated etc. He seems to be doing remarkably well physically - although his short term memory has been affected. They haven't found anything yet but doing tests, he'll be in for a week at least. He's hugely in denial, reckons he'll be back at work within a week, denies its anything to do with excessive drinking, smoking, stress. Assumes he'll be going back to his 3rd floor bedsit, even though he can't walk to the end of the ward yet. He's not yet 50 and we have a 5 year old daughter and I have older children.
I just don't know how to cope anymore. I'm absolutely physically exhausted, trying to keep up with house, part time job, children, visiting etc. My head is on a loop the whole time, analysing every single thing he says, trying to see signs of hope for us, even though i know his head's all over the place. I wake before 6 every morning fretting and although I have lots of people to talk to, I still feel totally isolated. I'm starting to feel I'm a huge drain on everybody. We were all going on holiday on Saturday, which I've obviously had to cancel so the kids are all very upset but they understand.
I have been such a strong person but am absolutely at the end of my tether. I'm in tears virtually all the time and just don't know how to manage any more.