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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Nearly due, and fed up

3 replies

Messytimes · 04/08/2013 23:02

I have name changed as there is a lot of identifiable information here.

I have a week to go until the due date of our much-wanted and planned for first baby and I feel like everything is falling apart. I feel like I wanted a baby so much I let that desire ride roughshod over any doubts.

My partner and I both work full time but are in low paid jobs. We privately rent a one bedroom flat and I am just so stressed trying to sort it out for the baby. Our landlord does not really want us to stay with a baby- he is prepared to let us but wants us out sooner rather than later. This is the cheapest rent around and we can only afford to go up a little because my wages will drop but the very idea of moving with a newborn makes me sick and anxious.

My partner and I are constantly rowing about it which I know is no good for me or the baby. He says it is stupid to be upset and stressed because I knew how things would be. I stupidly thought we might have found something else or something would have come up before now. I feel like I need his support but am just getting a hard time.

Things have escalated recently because we have been moving all the baby things in and it is cramped and messy despite our best efforts, and I know it is only going to get worse. I am ashamed and embarrassed that I am living like this. I know there are people worse off but I have had people at work for months now asking if we have decorated the nursery and joking about my partner sleeping in the spare room and I feel like a failure. I cannot bear the idea of the Midwife/Health Visitor visiting and have told my partner I do not want visitors. I realise this is unreasonable but I feel really depressed at the thought of people seeing the flat as it is.

On top of this he has not stopped drinking yet, which is a constant flashpoint for us. I feel it is not a huge sacrifice for him to stop when I am 39 weeks, and asked him weeks ago to stop. I can find alternate transport to the hospital if it is needed but do not want to turn up with a partner full of drink!

This is probably pathetic and moany and I realise there are people with more serious relationship concerns but at the minute I would love to step away from the constant atmosphere and pressure. I don't know if I want
to be with him anymore.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 04/08/2013 23:21

How much does he drink? Could what he spends on drink be enough to cover the rent on a bigger place? Has he said why he wont quit for the moment?

Sounds like you didnt really understand the realities of having a baby (none of us do!) and are now getting it. I wonder if your DP is stressed at the thought of the move, having to provide for the three of you and the lack of space but instead of dealing with it in a sensible way he is kicking off and drinking.

When you talk to him are you stressy and cross or do you try and stay calm? Sounds obvious but I tend to find that I only ever bring things up when I have got to crisis point so instead of "OK, things arent great. How can we sort them out" I go "OMG I HATE THIS!!!!!! X Y AND Z ARE ALL TOTALLY CRAP!!!! I CANT GO ON LIKE THIS!!! WAAAAAAAAH!" and then not understand when people tell me to STFU and calm down! Since I have made a concerted effort to approach things in a rational manner, things have improved.

Messytimes · 04/08/2013 23:37

He can be quite a big drinker, but will go through phases and recognise it is too much. This row was just me asking (nagging i suppose) him to not have a drink because I am due anytime. He keeps saying 'this is the last day I will drink' but it never is. I would like him to stop as I will not get in the car with somebody who has had a drink.

A large proportion of our income goes on rent and bills, we have talked about how we can cut down, cut the food bill etc. with the baby coming but to find extra money for rent/deposits etc. will be a stretch.

I am definitely stressed and at breaking point when I am raising issues with him which doesn't help as he hates arguing. But being told to stop crying doesn't really help. I am hormonal and overly emotional and just need some understanding. I keep comparing us to other people, I feel like I in particular should be doing so much better and feel guilty for giving my baby a horrible start in life.

OP posts:
Messytimes · 04/08/2013 23:38

He can be quite a big drinker, but will go through phases and recognise it is too much. This row was just me asking (nagging i suppose) him to not have a drink because I am due anytime. He keeps saying 'this is the last day I will drink' but it never is. I would like him to stop as I will not get in the car with somebody who has had a drink.

A large proportion of our income goes on rent and bills, we have talked about how we can cut down, cut the food bill etc. with the baby coming but to find extra money for rent/deposits etc. will be a stretch.

I am definitely stressed and at breaking point when I am raising issues with him which doesn't help as he hates arguing. But being told to stop crying doesn't really help. I am hormonal and overly emotional and just need some understanding. I keep comparing us to other people, I feel like I in particular should be doing so much better and feel guilty for giving my baby a horrible start in life.

OP posts:
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