His critical attitude is exhausting me !

[Frecklesandspecs]

I ve been married for nearly five years and have a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old. I am currently pregnant with no 3 due in about 8 weeks.
Anyway my husband has, as long as I can remember been a critical person. I read the signs before we married but over the years it has slowly eaten away at me. I got to the point where I just ignore thecomments and shut down but I am finding it exhausting now. I was diagnosed with placenta previa a few weeks ago after a bleed and am high risk of bkeeding again as I am also on blood thinners. Anyway that is beside the point but basically I feel lime a bit of a time bomb at the moment.
There is no way of me taking it easy on the drs orders with 2 young kids let alone from being criticised at for everything under the sun. I can't do anything right from hanging out the washing to feeding the kids.
I am so stressed at the moment from walking on eggshells for so long.
I never receive the slightest compliment, he Will not sit and talk and tuts and mutters about things constantly.
I know this won't change. I get up at 6.30am and don't sit down until 7pm at the earliest just because I know he Will find fault with something I haven't done.
I'm a wreck at the moment.
I often wish I could get out but I just don't have the means or k.ow how to atm.
:-(

I am far from perfect but I have revolved my whole life around him and trying to get things right or change my ways but nothing is ever good enough.

How big is your DM's place, can she accommodate you & DCs?

I am not legal so don't take my word for it but if you are married I suspect it doesn't matter if it's just his name on the mortgage or he never helps out with his offspring, you are still entitled to your share of assets and he is obliged to pay for the children's maintenance.

Failing a total split, or at least in the interim, don't indulge H any more. Are the children running about unfed, unclothed? No. Do you fritter money away on luxuries? No. Is he an able-bodied adult capable of picking stuff up, cooking a meal, setting a laundry load off in a washing machine or pegging washing out? Of course. Is that his voice droning on or a plane overhead?

Any possibility your DM can come over from time to time? How predictable he turns out to be Mr Affable when in others' company.

Tune out, detach, focus on yourself you're growing a baby. He likes the sound of his own voice. It is pure habit, whether or not copying his parents' m.o. And overheard and taken in by the next generation too.

If you were my daughter I would want you to come home with your children so that I could look after you.

What do you think your husband's reaction would be if you left?

Freckles, I didn't want to post this last night although I did post that I had pp myself but in my case I was 32 weeks with it. On Christmas day, I lifted the turkey in and out of the oven several times to baste it. I could have asked dh to do it but I didn't. I had a massive bleed the next day and crash section the day after that.
A lot of people don't realise that with a big bleed, pp can be life-threatening to the mother as well as the baby. I only found that out afterwards.

I am sorry, I really don't want to be a scaremonger and the vast majority of pregnancies with pp go fine and ds3 is fine now. But MIL always blamed dh over that turkey and said he should have insisted on doing it! Maybe I would have had that bleed anyway, regardless but I do think there would have been no harm in resting a bit more.

Your H really should be doing more in the evenings and please take short-cuts in the housekeeping and meals. He is going to be a grumpy arse no matter what you do so don't kill yourself trying to please him when it's just not possible.

Freckles, my placenta previa and emergency C section were long ago, 41 years, and that son has three children now, two of which are here playing in the other room. His birth was a terrible time, I started bleeding. Test was done to locate placenta, Polaroid pics taken, doc looked at pics upside down, so he said placenta was at top and to the back, when really it was at bottom of uterus and to the front. Poor ob doc had completely wrong info but I was bleeding heavily by early morning so did emergency C section. Big baby at 5-15 but lungs very immature and at that time they did not have surfactant to put in lungs. Babe got worse for two days, then stabilized at that bad level but by fourth day started improving. He lost weight down to 5-1 and was skin stretched over bones. He was in intensive care for two weeks. He is 6'3", very intelligent, a very caring dad and husband.

Take it easy, and know that if your placenta does tear and you have to be hospitalized, care is a lot more sophisticated now. But do all you can for yourself and your baby, and forget about pleasing What's His Name.