Hi everybody
Long time since I've posted on here - there's been a lot to get sorted out in my head and I was in danger of being swamped.
Anyhow essentially my OH moved out in October. She'd come out to me several years ago and we'd tried to make a go of it. Have two teenage kids so I guess it was a classic case of staying together for the sake of the kids. We could still function, but it had been (for years) very much one day at a time.
There's been much anger, guilt, resentment, denial over the past few months and it's been very difficult to focus on any plans for the future but last week I had a moment of clarity -
My wife is a lesban. She doesn't think she's a lesbian or have feelings for other women. She's not confused and she doesn't need 'space'. She's a lesbian.
That's taken a long time and it doesn't mean that she wants to go off and abandon the children, leaving me to pick up the pieces. Bizarrely enough, of course, it doesn't mean that she doesn't love me anymore. It's just that her strongest emotional, psychological and sexual relationships will be with other women.
I'm not going to pretend that this is an easy situation and that it hasn't caused a lot of negative emotions but once I had that moment of clarity it didn't give me a great sense of relief.
Our friends have been great - and I have to say in this case so far they have remained our friends. We've finally told the kids and they seem to be OK. It's going to take a long time for them to absorb it but it's easier for them to see mum and dad talking to one another easily rather than barely being able to be in the same room together.
I didn't think I'd ever get over this and I'm going to pretend that the next stages will be easy but I now know I'm not fighting to get her back and we've both got to get on with our future lives.
If anybody else is going through something similar out there, good luck and try not to deal with it according to anybody else's timetable,
dippingatoe 