The effects of an unhealthy relationship and how to recover..

[hardtohandle36]

gone no contact with an ex who became abusive after around 6 months into relationship that lasted 2 yrs. Its been 4 weeks since last saw him.
The relationship was very passionate but with him almost became obsessive/controlling. He would turn up at my house without calling first, push me into things and was quite manipulative. I didnt feel heard. He was quite overbearing. He became very agitated and depressed for other reasons, would constantly talk and not wait for a reply but talk over me and not listen anyway :-( It has battered my self esteem.
But also, for some reason i felt utterly trapped, like there was no way out (i think this was due to his persistence, not leaving me alone, not taking no for an answer).. I didnt involve police, just wasnt strong enough.
so, what started happening is i started to become someone i wasnt to cope. Going out/drinking too much at times, but also became very anxious, jumping anytime anyone came to my door, not being able to relax myself. The effects of this are still with me.. :-( I just wonder why he became like this with me. I did love him :-( and still feel he has a hold over me, why? why do i feel i want to see him?
guess im looking to hear from people who have felt similar and have recovered or are getting there, or just any support!

The book will give you your freedom. Please read it?

As someone on here once said "It's only a book."

That book changed my life. :)

(Hissy

Yes please do read the book. It is incredible and Hissy is right - it will give you freedom. It allows you to finally detach from the abuse and see why it is all them and not you.

thanks Hissy I'll read it, a bit at a time. Im exhausted by all of the emotions and keeping everything else together.
Stupidly, i am beating myself up for how he will be thinking about ME. I did everything "by the book" really apart from particularly towards the end and I went into a kind of "survival" mode and although I managed to keep things together, I did go a little off the rails (once).
He also physically pushed me and pinned me to the bed. He hurt me. I had bruises on my chest.

If you read the book, you'll find the émotions easier. When you see it's nothing about us, at all, you'll start to firgive yourself. I promise.

Hello, *hard, you've had brilliant advice already so I'm not going to add more, just to ask you not to be hard on yourself. I think if you are a normal, reasonable person who gets involved with an abuser you can't quite believe how one person can get off on hurting another. It takes a while to recover your faith in people, but it does come back. Trust your friends, be gentle with yourself and be proud that you got away x

Thank you. I am definitely hard on myself comes from my upbringing really, then again I cant blame that, I need to change it myself! Recovering my faith in people will take time, thing is I have done this before, when i divorced exH and I was ready to dip my toes and trust again and I feel like it has been shattered. At times I feel like i am having a mental breakdown, however Ive also been there so "guarding" against it.. Im finding single parenting difficult..
Im already doing positive things, but I need a long term plan. I have lived in the marital home now for 10 yrs. I took over the mortgage when I got divorced.. Out of the blue I have book an appointment to view some houses this afternoon, maybe I need to make "bigger" changes to properly move on? ...

Small steps, you'll get there. It really is early days!

read the book

:)

Most victims of domestic abuse have upbringing that cause it...

It really isn't any of your fault!