Does my mum want to stay in touch? I'm not sure

[Corygal]

Mum and Dad, in their 70s, have always been rather hands-off parents. Their two kids (I'm the eldest), in 40s, have for some time been noticing that it's getting harder to, frankly, maintain the family relationship.

My brother, SIL and DNs and DNcs live abroad, and they've been pointing out for ages that the aged Ps don't ring much or get in touch. Parents do visit in person 2x a year tho.

If I ring, I get either snarled or snapped at: "What do you want" instead of hello, etc. I'm usually calling re doing them a favour, natch. I got round this by calling them at a set time on a Sat am, but recently Mum's taken to ducking out of the call. They never call me.

Last year at Xmas they went to DB & SILs, and didn't see me at all throughout.

If my DM was a sane person, I'd have a word about how bloody rude she is, but no chance, and at 76 she ain't changing fast so no point.

So how do I play it? Leave it until they get in touch?

Do you have a partner or are you on your own?

If you are on your own and your entire family ignored you at Xmas you have every right to be sad and angry.

How close are they geographically?

In your situation I'd try not to talk about this by phone but face to face. I don't see what's wrong with popping round or whatever you do- taking them out for lunch maybe- and saying you feel there is an increasing emotional distance which you don't like.

Is there something going on that you are not aware of- either tensions with your dad at home, or have you possibly done something they are bearing a grudge over?

When you say if she was 'sane' I assume you are joking and she doesn't have dementia or anything?

76 isn't that old if she is in good health and it's certainly not too old or too late to have a conversation about how hurt you feel.

what would you like to do?

I'd say stop calling for a bit. Sad to say, they really don't seem to want to bother with you.

I know that sounds awful, and it is, but it looks like you're on a hiding to nothing.

My mum moved a few weeks ago. I still don't know where to exactly. It hurts like hell, but nothing I can do.

(((hug)))